Everything's More Beautiful When You're In Love, Except When You're Insane...Ty Goes Home, Jake and Vienna Get Heated

It’s about 100 degrees outside as I write this Bachelorette post on my way to work. The commuter train I am sitting on is having mechanical difficulties and I am keeping my fingers and sweaty toes crossed that they will not force us to go outside and wait for the next train. I better type fast before my computer melts. The man in front of me has an entire towel wrapped around his neck and his buttoned down shirt is damp, poor thing. The woman to my right has been on her cell phone for the past 35 minutes discussing which pool she should meet her friend at today. I am so jealous. No Timbits for me this morning. After what I ate all weekend, it’s back to the gym. By the way, on our 4 hour train ride return trip to NYC yesterday, we managed to sit in front of a woman who amazingly talked for the entire 4 hours straight in the loudest voice possible. Yes, we could have politely told her to shut up, but it was far better to record her conversation. We will post some of her brilliant remarks later this week.

So now we know why ABC decided to cut off 30 minutes of last night’s interesting, but uneventful Bachelorette and put in the explosive Jake and Vienna confrontation. Certainly more people will be talking about the interaction and what came out during last night’s interview between “Don’t call me Baby” and Jake than Ali's dates. Yikes. But before we get to that, just a few observations of last night’s Bachelorette episode.

Lisbon, Portugal has amazing lighting. Or maybe it’s just that every time we see Ali, she’s got this sun kissed glow and there is always a sunset behind her. Her outfits were adorable this week, and generally speaking, she looked great – minus the helmet hair on the Chris L date. (Poor guy always gets “messy Ali” on his one on one dates, but he doesn’t seem to mind which is why I like him even more and this is really what she will look like after the final rose ceremony anyway).

We’re down to the final 5 and the stakes are high because if you’re not drinking gallons of wine with Ali, kissing her or she’s not giving you that ga-ga look that Frank gives her, she’s not coming home with you next week. The remaining 5 guys are a little too normal. Seriously, I like all of them – they seem mostly like solid, normal dudes that most girls would want to date or set up with one of their friends. With no more crazies around, it was a slight snooze fest last night (until the J/V showdown). You know there’s a lack of drama to film on an episode when they spend an extra two minutes filming the guy’s reaction to Roberto’s date card. We finally get to take R’s dimples on a solo date again. So nice! Watching Ali and Roberto take silly pictures of each other was kind of cute, but I cringed when they started full on making out in the middle of the street. As The Husband said while these antics were going on, “Stupid Americans.” Perhaps if there weren’t cameras around and they were kissing, it could be considered spontaneous, but then again, Roberto is the quintessential Latin lover, so maybe it is genuine. Either way, Ali loves this stuff.

The castles, forts and manors in Lisbon were beyond incredible. The little picnic overlooking the city looked “amazing.” I was amazed at how blatantly drunk Ali was on the majority of this week’s dates. As she’s staring into Roberto’s eyes, telling him what a mystery he is, she starts stuttering. This was totally a drunk stutter. Did anyone else notice that she gets a little teary eyed when they’re having their deep conversation about how into each other they are? We know at this point that we’re going to meet Roberto’s family. Hooray!

The two on one date was particularly awkward, and I am glad they finally acknowledged the oddness. Ali looked adorable in a yellow tank top and white pants. The helicopter ride and fortress were spectacular as always, probably the most interesting thing about the date. I am glad Ali finally took alone time with each of them. Frank just isn’t himself in group settings. I felt bad for Ty as he struggled to dig himself out of the hole he dug last week. He tries to convince Ali that her having professional ambitions is not repulsive to him, but in the end, we see Ali isn’t entirely convinced that their thoughts are aligned. Perhaps it’s when he said, “I think it’s great that you have ambitions and goals.” Uh, yeah. What century is this guy living in? Despite these somewhat ancient comments, I actually really like Ty, think he’s a nice guy, but believe he needs more time to date before settling down. He’d be perfect with someone like Tenley, although I have a feeling T will be consumed alive by either Kiptyn or Jake on Bachelor Pad. Perhaps Ali knew this, or maybe she was scared of the wizard like pendant necklace he was wearing.  In Ali's blog this week, she notes that in the helicopter ride with these two guys, she felt herself wanting to grab Frank's hand.  That's when she knew she was feeling it stronger for Frank than Ty.

During Frank’s alone time, he reveals to Ali that he lives with his parents. I thought he told her that already, but maybe he just told the camera. Ugh, that should have put a dent into her wine goggles.  It’s great that Frank has dreams, but how would their relationship work after all of this? She goes on Dancing with the Stars and he sits in the audience and claps? But even more aggravating is that we see another woman in next week’s previews. Can ABC not control themselves?? Are they so insecure that viewers will not watch the show if they don’t give away what is going to happen? Why do they have to ruin every surprise? It’s really frustrating for the many out there who actively try to avoid spoilers. Is it so wrong not to want to know how everything turns out? How many people read the end of a book before starting it? Stop the madness!

Surprisingly, Ali doesn’t seem appalled by the fact that Frank lives at home. I guess it will be VERY important to meet his parents. When they’re making out in the tree, Ali says, “You’re everything that I said I wanted. You’re everything that I fear.” Frank asks, “What does that mean?” It means she’s drunk. As she’s explaining herself, she is literally slurring her words and I think at one point, they sped up the voiceover of her explaining her feelings for Frank because she was talking in a slow and drawn out drunk way.

The Kirk date started out really awkward and I thought there was no way this guy was advancing. Ali looked great once again in the gray top and incredible Portuguese natural lighting. Of course they take their wine with them for a buggy and horse ride up to a beautiful, multi colored palace. I’m pretty sure there was Superman music playing in the background. Ali keeps commenting that she doesn’t know what’s wrong, that she’s distracted. Probably still thinking about Roberto’s dimples or Ty’s sideburns. When it’s nighttime and Kirk has his arm around her, I am feeling kind of awkward for him. She doesn’t seem that into it. Then all of a sudden, he pulls out the biggest save of all time. First off, at their romantic nighttime dinner, he’s wearing the yellow button down (huge bonus points for wearing Ali’s favorite color). He asks Ali to be honest with him about the whole process. His whole speech about being deserving of everything great in life, including her, really was quite commendable. Kirk is a well spoken guy. If this were American Idol, Simon Cowell would say, “Kirk, this is the point in the competition where people need to stand out. You have shown tonight that you actually think you can win this thing.” Ali’s concern with all of these men is whether they will still like her when all of the cameras go away and they have to live real life together. Kirk assures her that he will.  Ali notes in her blog that she says this to Kirk because Kirk has not had many long term relationships.  The finale of the date – when Kirk and Ali are entertained by live fado music and snuggle up together, she once again gets teary eyed. It’s the wine.

FINALLY – it’s the Chris L date we’ve all been waiting for. This is probably the most highly anticipated date of the season. It’s now or never, Chris! The date starts off with an awesome quote: “As long as it doesn’t involve oil wresting and that stupid horse in Iceland, we’ll be ok.”

The scooter situation seemed to be exactly what was needed to break the ice on this date. Ali needed a good laugh and Chris is so funny as he’s trying to steer that thing. “I can’t be the Dude that kills the Bachelorette. It’s not going to look good,” he says.

I loved when Ali got on the scooter and the two of them just take off. Once they arrive at the winery (it’s been a long time since Ali has had any wine), they start getting deep. Ali would be crazy for not going to meet Chris’s family and I loved that he waited to give her a gift until he actually knew her. Did you notice Ali was wearing the bracelet at the rose ceremony? So cute. It was like she got pinned by him. Clearly you know who I am rooting for. Chris reminds me of a Vince Vaughn type, except better looking. I think they edited out a lot of this date – probably to get the Vienna and Jake time in. We didn’t see them at a dinner together or much of any nighttime activity.

The rose ceremony was totally uneventful except for Ali’s colorful dress and that she said goodbye to Ty’s sideburns over Kirk. I was actually thinking that Kirk might go home, not for any reason other than she felt stronger for the other guys, but I guess Ty was the next obvious choice. I was impressed that Ali walked out in the rain to say goodbye to Ty. She knows he’s a nice guy, but I was just worried her spray tan was going to leak on her white dress. Ah well, she took one for the team. If Ty can’t make it work with Tenley, perhaps he’d find comfort in Nikki sideburns, who is going to be on Bachelor Pad.

Ok, so then we go straight into the Jake/Vienna break up. Chris H was pretty great during this interview and I’m thinking that maybe there could be a spin-off show that just deals with Bachelor/Bachelorette break ups. He could get DeAnna and Jesse Csinczak back together and drill them as to what happened. Did she go Hollywood on him? Did he cheat? What about Charlie and Sarah?

It was quite clear from the interaction between Jake and Vienna that everything IS more beautiful when you’re falling in love, except when one of those people might be slightly insane. I always thought that person would be Vienna –she drove me crazy during her time on Jake’s season and was the controversial choice all season long. But hearing both sides of the story, watching Jake try to defend himself and seeing how he reacted to what Vienna said, I was completely creeped out by Jake.

I felt like he was acting, almost like someone coached him to remain calm, stay composed and let Vienna explode. So here were the main issues, and my thoughts on who won them:

1. Did Vienna cheat? Jake had very weak evidence. I believed Vienna that the first guy was involved because of a picture taken with a group of people. I also believed her that the main source of their relationship problems had little to do with trust issues. It seemed to be Jake’s lack of emotions for her. Also, the second guy Jake mentioned, Vienna claims was gay. That is easy enough to substantiate. +1 to Vienna.

2. Did Jake lose feelings/intimate desire for Vienna? Jake never really contradicted this accusation nor did he explain that she was overly needy or anything like that. If a guy was going to defend his libido - he had the perfect opportunity, but he certainly did not contradict her.  I actually believed her on this. I also believed based on his temper last night that every time she tried to confront him with this, he would explode – and this would send her (and most females) into an emotional state. +1 to Vienna.

3. Why did Vienna choose to go to the tabloids when they broke up? Why couldn’t she have confronted Jake privately? Vienna claims Jake would have done this himself anyway. She claims she has never had a voice in this relationship. Jake claims it was for the money, that he is disgusted with her. I scored this at +1 for Vienna and +1 for Jake, because really, she should have talked to him without getting the press involved and should not have discussed intimate details, but I do believe Jake would have gone to the tabloids regardless.

4. Why did Vienna choose to stay in LA if she didn’t want to be part of Hollywood? Vienna claims she finally got a job (which was a source of contention as Jake claims she was very lazy), that people back home turned against her. She also has no money and nowhere to go. Jake claims she’s out for Hollywood fame. Yes, she’s staying and hoping she can end up eventually being an entertainment business reporter somehow like Melissa Rycroft, but I doubt this will ever happen. She claims a job is a job, but out of the entire country, including Florida, where her family is, she chooses to find a job in LA, even though she doesn't really have a home there.  I score this +1 for Jake.

5. Does Jake seek the Hollywood lifestyle and stay with Vienna just for fame? This is a no brainer. Absolutely he is Hollywood bound. He’s filming now for a show. He went on Dancing With the Stars to promote himself and he’s had acting ambitions before he went on The Bachelor. Vienna was a step on the ladder. I loved how she called him out that he hasn’t flown a plane in a year. +1 for Vienna.

6. Does Jake have a bad temper? I think this was undoubtedly confirmed last night both by Jake scolding Vienna for interrupting him and by his actions with the GPS. That’s just what he told us. Who on earth knows what really happens behind closed doors? +2 for Vienna.

7. Did Jake disrespect Vienna’s dog? Who cares?

8. Does Vienna undermine Jake and how does she do this? Jake claims that Vienna constantly interrupts him, second guesses him, challenges his driving directions. Funny, isn’t this the very thing he said he liked about Vienna – that she challenged him? Careful what you wish for, Jake. +5 for Vienna.

Vienna clearly comes out victoriously in last night’s show down. I am appalled that Jake the Pilot who was known for his abs of steel, killer white toothed smile and good all American boyish charm has been reduced to such a villain. I can’t look at him the same way anymore. His quiet smirk while Vienna was accusing him of all sorts of things, was worthy of a smack.  In his mind, he's being a gentleman.  In reality, I wasn't buying his innocence.  As The Husband points out - relationships end all of the time after 6 months for very normal reasons - one person isn't interested any longer, things change, people change, etc.  In this case, Jake wants a Hollywood career and in pursuing that, he lost interest in Vienna along the way.  It was lust.  End of story.  It sounds like Vienna would have stuck it out if Jake was still interested in her, regardless of Hollywood or no Hollywood.  She just wanted affection and she couldn't even get it from her dog.  I felt bad for her - Jake seems difficult to communicate with, controlling to a scary point and wants his name in lights.  There was no room for Vienna in this scenario.  Vienna may have been annoying, but she doesn't deserve to be in a combative relationship where she's begging for affection.  The only thing better than Vienna storming off the set last night would have been if they had played “On the Wings of Love,” in the background as she did this.

What did you think of the showdown?  Did Jake creep you out?  Are you over it?  Are you angry that ABC is dropping spoiler after spoiler upon our favorite show?

‘Til next week, Bachelorette fans. Stay cool. Don’t undermine your neighbors. Eat your Timbits. And let’s get ready to meet the families!