The Men Tell All, Say Nothing

I awoke this morning to text messages, missed calls, new Twitter followers and a flurry of emails. Apparently, I was on 20/20 last night talking about The Bachelor and didn’t even know it! Does that make a me a tiny, little, bitty kind of maybe famous? I’m gonna go ahead and say “yes.” We saw that 20/20 was on following The Men Tell All, but The Husband was itching to watch the season premiere of Mad Men that we taped from Sunday night (it was awesome!) so we opted for that instead and taped 20/20. ABC contacted me a couple of weeks ago to see if I was available to do more filming for the show, but I never heard from anyone and assumed they didn’t need me. So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that I was in fact on! We taped that back in March, a week before my wedding, the night of Jake’s finale. Did anyone see it last night?

Maybe it’s because our food delivery last night never showed up and I was starving. Maybe it was the fact that I had to work past 8:30 pm and work hasn’t stopped for a second since my boss went on maternity leave. For whatever reason, either I was in a really bad mood or I think last night’s The Men Tell All may have been one of the most boring reunion shows of all time. First off, where was everybody? Hello – the three most controversial guys of the season: Justin, Craig M and Frank, were not even present! If you can’t get them, at least get Jillian and Ed to explain the status of their “taking time apart.” Or have Jason and Molly talk about their honeymoon. Give us SOMETHING. What were the writers of this show doing in the creative room when they planned this episode? Have Craig the lawyer make a point about something? Yeah, that will get ratings. Why weren’t any of the guys allowed to directly ask Ali questions? I’m sure Ty wanted to know whether his chauvinistic comments were his downfall. Weatherman certainly thought he had this thing in the bag. Even Craig the lawyer probably wanted to cross examine her. FRUSTRATING. That’s what this episode was.

Going into this week’s episode, I was really excited to see what all of the guys had to say for themselves. I was curious as to how Justin could possibly defend himself. How Craig M would try to look like a tolerable human being. Of course I wanted to see Ali confront Frank and find out if he’s still with Nicole. I also wanted to see the third Chris who was really cute but who got booted near the beginning rounds. Unfortunately, we learned absolutely nothing new, except that Justin is more of a slimeball than we initially thought, but this isn’t a surprise. Kirk was heartbroken (we knew this). Craig doesn’t shut up. Kasey is nuts and his impromptu singing is insane. Ty has puppy dog brown eyes. Jesse is all looks, no brain, and has an awful buzz cut.

Ali’s hair was confusing, kind of a Martha Washington-do meets an electrocuted French twist. She’d probably call it a “pretty mess.” I’d just call it a mess. That said, I still think Ali is one of the best bachelorettes this show has had. She’s pretty, she’s not afraid of being a dork and I like how she has gone off on the guys who have done wrong by her (Justin).

The fact that Frank was not on the show is troubling. Why not bring him back on this week’s episode when they literally had nothing else to talk about? The fact that he returns next week may mean one of the following: (1) Ali chooses nobody because of Frank, Frank realizes he’s an idiot for dumping Ali and wants her back and they get together; (2) Ali chooses nobody, which Mike Fleiss realizes would be a HUGE disappointment for the fans, so he brings back Frank to start up some fireworks as Frank announces he’s engaged to Nicole; (3) Ali chooses someone and then gets to tell off Frank. In any scenario, having Frank there is unnecessary.

Jessie, one of the former bachelorettes from Jake’s season, looked great! Although I’m not sure how this girl always ends up in the middle of everyone’s secrets on this show. Last season she claims that she caught Rozlyn making out with a producer in the stairwell of the mansion. This season, she’s in the middle of the Rated-R scandal. This seems a little too convenient for me – that and the fact that she’s going to be on Bachelor Pad, just seem like a self-promotion of the spinoff, rather than her having any legit info.

I think The Husband is slightly jealous of Chris L, because now when they show the Chris L montages of him falling in love with Ali, he looks at me, instead of the screen, and gets a little frown on his face. Ha! He asks me if he has a reason to be jealous and I tell him that we’ll know after next week because Chris L may be engaged and therefore off the market!

The promo for Bachelor Pad looks like one big Jerry Springer circus. It may ultimately be the end of the Bachelor franchise. The show now still has a bit of class, because the quality of the contestants is high. Ali is well liked, smart and very relatable. Chris L and Robert are all-stars. Of course putting these types of people in a house together will not create the kind of spark and scandal that produce ratings, so they put the trash in (Tenley and Kiptyn excluded). I’m already annoyed with the new spinoff and it hasn’t even started yet.  The only possible love interest is Tenley and Kiptyn.  If that doesn't work out I'm thinking that Tenley and Ty would make a great duo - both divorced, both have traditional values, both are musically inclined and both seem like sweet people.

OH, one brief comment about The Weatherman. I found him unbearably annoying last night. Everything that came out of his mouth was just so awkward and dorky. He now has this new “Bachelor” status from being on the show and is probably LOVING all of the attention he gets. I am really glad they didn’t take time out to interview him.

Kirk is great as always. He’s a really nice, solid guy, but I don’t think he has that extra special thing about him to become the next Bachelor. I just don’t think he could carry a show. That said, I do think he will meet someone very soon on his own.

The rest of this show was a snooze fest. I fast forwarded through most of the recaps, finding the little inside jokes (Ali laughing hysterically about putting on a space helmet – was she drunk?) not funny. The outtakes are always the best part, especially anything that Chris L says, but other than that, I yawned through this one. Chris N had orange skin and was known as the phantom. I didn’t find this funny for some reasons. Because who cares about Chris N?

So hopefully last night’s boredom will give way to the most exciting finale ever, but I just don’t know if Ali is going to get her fairytale ending of finding love. I really hope she picks one of them and that the “loser” becomes the Bachelor. I can’t even imagine how upsetting it will be to see her break one of these guys’ hearts. They don’t deserve it and both have really put themselves out there.

I am beyond excited for next week’s finale. I like how they make you think Ali’s dad doesn’t give his blessing to Roberto and Chris. Yeah right. Do you think Ali is going to choose someone? Is Frank going to make a shocking reappearance? Are you guys having a finale party? Were you as bored last night as I was?