Book Review: "The Man Code" by David Good (from "The Bachelorette")

Do you guys remember David Good?  We first met him on Jillian's season of "The Bachelorette."  He got a pretty bad edit that season.  By the time Jillian kicked him off the show, he was known as the guy with a major anger problem, and a total jerk to women. 

Most recently, however, David has begun to redeem himself.  He came back on "Bachelor Pad," and ended up splitting a $250,000 prize with co-winner and fling during the show, Natalie Getz.  On "Bachelor Pad," David comes off as a sympathetic character whose toughness on the outside peels away to a sensitive and caring individual.  He also attempts to patch up his reputation with the public by behaving himself better and abiding by Man Code.  But I'm not so sure that David's reappearance on Bachelor Pad convinced me that this guy was entirely forgiven.  I was still creeped out by his forward advances towards Jillian.

Which is why when I was contacted about David's new book, "The Man Code," and offered a free copy (after I had kind of bashed him on this blog), I was curious as to what this dude could possibly have to say that would be worth reading.  Was he really a misunderstood softey behind the attitude and hard exterior?

"The Man Code: A Woman's Gide To Cracking the Tough Guy," is a 93 page quick read that seems to be written for a very specific audience.  This includes ladies dating and trying to figure out a "Man Code" guy and for single ladies seeking Mr. Right but dating non-Man Code guys.  Good states from the beginning that he understands why some readers may be "dubious."  He admits that, "on the surface, this book might be interpreted as a reality TV personality who's overshot his mark in hoping to extend his 15 minutes of fame."  This is a good thing, because I may not have gotten past page 3 if there wasn't some statement like this stated up front.  But the self-proclaimed blue collar, regular guy from smalltown Ohio claims to be an expert in one thing, "guy's guys.  Men's men.  Hardened dudes with soft centers and direct under their fingernails..."

Good defines Man Code as the following: "an unwritten code of conduct that guides the standard to which a man holds other men and himself.  It governs masculinity, and dictates the way men treat the women in their lives.  Understanding the code empowers women to request and receive more from their men that was previous possible."

Filled with check lists, quizzes and bullet points about who's not a man code man, how to know if you're with a man code man and what a man code man is looking for in a partner, the book skips between David's background and what led him to know the morals of a man code man.  I learned that a man who "drinks anything that's pink or red" is not a Man Code man as well as anyone who "doesn't like sports, particularly the strain of man who pretends to like sports but doesn't really."   I'm not sure I buy this. Certainly there have to be exceptions.

Most disturbing, I find, is when Good discusses why it's difficult to crack a Man Code guy, which to me, kind of proves the point that Man Code men might not be the best catches.  Here's a couple of my favorites, followed by my comments in parentheses:

1.  We're pack animals and therefore confused by one-on-one intimacy.  (Why would anyone want to date someone who is not comfortable being one-on-one, or who is constantly running "in a pack?"  Don't women deserve someone who is comfortable standing in their own and acting independently?)

4.  We're not the greatest listeners, especially when stories take longer than 30 seconds to tell.  (This is a very honest statement, but I ask you - do you want to be with someone who can't listen to you for longer than 30 seconds?)

9.  We are emotional camels, conserving every kind word and providing too-infrequent validation of the way we feel about you. (well that's exactly who every lady should just run to grab, right?)

Good himself sums it up, "we make it very hard for you to understand and love us."   So why would anyone want to be with a Man Code man?  From everything that I could gather from this book, it sounds like a Man Code man has honesty.  He works hard, gets up early and will defend his friends until the end.  Good uses the analogy of a cat bringing a dead bird to its master's doorstep to describe how love is show from a Man Code man.  Rough around the edges, but a clear demonstration of loyalty and love.

Perhaps the most interesting part of the book was learning about Good's background.  After seeing him on The Bachelor, I thought of him as this spoiled, Hollywood wannabe type who thought he was too cool for school.  I was surprised to learn that Good came from a town of 1500 people and was put to work feeding pigs and sheep on a farm as a child.  He notes that by age 12, he was working summers for another farmer baling straw for 15 hours a day.  After his parents divorced, which Good blames largely on his father's complete immersion into work, Good's mother raised him on her own.  Good was a walk on Division I football player at University of Miami-Ohio and started as a freshman on all four special teams.  With such an accomplishment, I was surprised to see that in his "About the Author" section, Good's claim to fame revealed nothing of his athletic achievements, but instead highlighted that he won the first impression rose with Jillian and was chosen by the Harlem Globetrotters (out of all the other contestants) to play on their team for a day.  Surely there must have been something else he could have highlighted to impress his readers.  As I remember it, Jillian gave Dave the first impression rose because he couldn't speak when they first met (stage fright) and Jillian felt sorry for him. 

Good moved to Tampa, Florida in his early 20s to work for one of the fastest growing truckload freight brokers in the US.  His background is unique, but when he says that Man Code men sleep on the side of the bed closer to the door to protect their females from potential intruders, I question whether or not it's as black and white as that.  The Husband sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the air conditioning, leaving me to face any intruders - does this make him someone to avoid?  He keeps a softball bat by the bed in case someone were to disturb us and I'm pretty sure he could make it to the door with enough adrenaline quite quickly.

The other interesting part of The Man Code, is that inside scoop Good provides on his time during The Bachelorette.  According to Good, Juan and Jake Pavelka would run inside to change and pretty up whenever the cameras came around, instead of remaining with the guys who were wearing t-shirts and sweats after drinking all day.  He sees this as an insincerity, a flaw which ultimately throws them out of the competition for becoming Man Code worthy.

It sounds like whenever this book was written, Dave and Natalie were not together any longer, despite their shared time together on Bachelor Pad.  It does sound, however, like he has the utmost respect for her.  This is a relief, because after she stripped naked on their Vegas date, I thought his Man Code might make him turn the other way.  Not the case. Of course this behavior definitely explains why they didn't make it long term.

So overall, this book was entertaining, though I wouldn't call it a classic non-fiction self help book.  I do think that I got a better rounded picture of David Good, and I'm happy to say that I no longer think of him as a womanizing aggressor.  If only because it clearly warns that Man Code men won't drink anything red or pink, this book can only be read as one person's opinion, not black letter law.  It's a wakeup call to women dating jerks to take a moment and think about the kind of behavior going on in their relationship or the one that they want.  It's rare that women get any sort of clear insight into what the strong silent types are thinking, so for that, I think this book can be helpful.  But for those of us, who respect guys that enjoy having conversations with their girlfriends/wives/female friends, are just fine with intimacy and don't love working 15 hour days, I'm not sure The Man Code will be appreciated. 

For all of those in the New York City area tomorrow night, David Good is hosting an event at Village Pourhouse (3rd Ave and 11 St) to promote/sign his book and host a free happy hour.  The Media Alert is below.  If you go, please send pics!!

MEDIA ALERT

REALITY TV PERSONALITY & AUTHOR DAVID GOOD,
TO HOST EVENT AT NYC’S VILLAGE POURHOUSE

An Evening With The Winner of ABC’s ‘Bachelor Pad’ and ‘The Bachelorette’ Fan-Favorite


Who: Reality TV personality David Good got a second chance on ABC’s “Bachelor Pad” (which he won!) after being a contestant on Season 5 of “The Bachelorette”.  These days, he’s hoping the world gives him a first chance as an author of his debut book, The Man Code: A Woman’s Guide To Cracking The Tough Guy. 

As unlikely a messenger as he may seem, his book gives women a look under the hood, and how it pertains to relationships from the boardroom to the bedroom  – helping them crack the code that governs men’s men!

(5% of book sales to benefit Stand Up To Cancer!)

Where: Village Pourhouse, 64 Third Avenue (Corner of 11th Street), NYC

When:  Monday, January 31st
7 pm – 8 pm Book Signing & Free Happy Hour Open Bar
(8 pm – 10 pm “The Bachelor Viewing Party”)

What:  Good will be hosting a Book Signing event at Village Pourhouse – a NYC neighborhood hotspot which has earned accolades from CitySearch and Time Out NY. 

The venue is offering a free one hour open bar starting at 7 p.m., with drink specials to follow, including “Kissed By A Rose”, “The Tough Guy”, and “Final Rose”.

Following the Book Signing at 8 p.m., David will host the viewing of the week’s episode of “The Bachelor”, offering his “man code” perspective on the new season, this season’s bachelor Brad Womack, and what its really like to be on the show!