La Isla Bonita y Para Skinny Dipping: Courtney and Ben Get Naked in Puerto Rico

For the first time in a really long time, I was excited for The Bachelor this week.  Perhaps it’s the end of January blues, the bitter cold weather in the Northeast, the long, dark days – whatever it is, I found myself getting slap happy at the thought of escaping to Puerto Rico for a couple of hours with Ben and his harem of ladies.  To celebrate Bachelor Monday, The Husband took me to this wonderful new restaurant in the neighborhood called Flex Mussels.  This place has the largest and most incredible mussels in dozens of different flavors.  The truffle fries were equally impressive and for dessert, I can’t even believe I’m admitting this, we got these 4 doughnuts filled with the insides of our choice (chocolate hazelnut, s’mores, peanut butter and jelly and salted caramel).  Needless to say, I will be spending lunch on the treadmill every day for the rest of my life to burn this off.

Stuffed and happy, I tingled with delight thinking about what evilisms would come pouring out of Courtney’s mouth this week.  She certainly didn’t disappoint.  Could Elyse or Nicki find their place in the pack?  Would Jamie actually say anything this episode? Would there be more Emily and Courtney fighting?  Would Blakeley reveal that she’s also an acrobat in addition to being a VIP Cocktail Waitress, Stripper, Hair Dresser, tap dancer and professional baseball shortstop?  I was giddy with excitement.

I was happy to see that the girls did in fact stay at the W Hotel in Vieques.  It is a place that I have always wanted to go.  When The Husband and I got married in Puerto Rico back in March 2010, we thought about doing our honeymoon there, but the hotel was not open yet.  Several of my friends have since stayed there and said that while quite modern, pricey and luxurious it is absolutely incredible.  I would leave this second to go there, except the thought of swimming where Courtney and Ben went skinny dipping creeps me out a little. 

Last night’s show surprisingly may have been one of my favorites not only of this season, but in recent show history. Here is why:

(1)  Puerto Rico may be my favorite place on earth.  The climate, the people, the beaches, the sounds of little coqui frogs at night chirping and the potential for romance.   Old San Juan is magnificent – and the area where Ben and Nicki went on their date was where The Husband and I were just a few short weeks ago.  The wedding they saw took place at El Convento, a beautiful historic hotel restored from a 350 year old convent.  I love how all of a sudden, Ben became a historian when he busted out facts about El Morro Fort.  The rain that we saw during Nicki’s date is very typical of San Juan.  When it rains, it pours – and that couldn’t be more true in PR.

(  2)  The baseball game at Estadio Roberto Clemente was awesome.  First, because I was completely impressed with how good the girls actually were in baseball, and because I think this would have been my perfect date on the show.  Also – there were real umpires and catchers with equipment.  And there was an announcer!  Finally - there was chest bumping between Blakeley and Jennifer, which The Husband loved.  I played softball in high school and college and would have loved to nail a line drive at Courtney’s face.  In fact, in my perfect fantasy world, I would have gotten up to the plate, pointed at her pouty lip (see Court picture above) and then hit a home run over the fence doing a very slow victory run around the bases while pointing at Courtney and screaming “WINNING!” in her face.  Ah, I’ve got to control the rage.

(3)   The individual dates were both fun and shocking.  I figured Ben had to send home one of the girls (Nicki or Elyse), and Elyse just seemed like the more likely candidate to go home.  She’s 24 and feels she’s accomplished everything she’s wanted to do in life.  She wants to be engaged, married - to anyone, preferably Ben since he was the closest eligible male in proximity, but I didn't quite understand why.  She’s a beautiful girl too with a great body.  I thought they seemed to be having a little bit of a romance on the mega yacht.  After all, love always starts in the water, according to Ben.  But it was pretty clear from their conversation on the yacht and afterwards at dinner where they were dressed up like a bride and groom for some reason (did they plan that?) that this was not going anywhere.  Ben has this look on his face when he’s not interested in someone that he can't hide.  Like he wants to crawl under a table and never come out.  Why on earth they had to shoot a full 2 minutes of Elyse crying in the rejection motorboat while Ben walks along the ocean with the rose is a mystery.  I’d take a couple more minutes of Jennifer asking the girls about where they had gone skinny dipping over Elyse’s misery.  It seemed unnecessary. 

(4)  Kacie B.  I am impressed by how much Kacie has been able to keep it together.  She’s even trying to comfort Blakeley when B is ready to give her big epiphany speech to Ben.  Kacie must feel secure in Ben’s interest in her.  She didn’t cry this week which is a good sign and she got the rose she should have gotten last week on the group date – though I still think Courtney outwitted them all again.   As for Kacie B’s hair, it’s not really her fault.  Puerto Rico is a girl’s hair’s worst enemy.  I don’t even have curly hair and in PR, I have to condition about six times to even get a comb through my hair.  You’d think Blakeley could have helped her out with some hair products, but perhaps Kacie B doesn’t get caught up in that stuff – which is why we like her.  I think it’s a good sign that Courtney says bad things about Kacie B – Court must feel threatened.

(5)  Skinny Dipping Scandal.  Every great episode needs a scandal to talk about the following day.  No doubt water coolers, emails, blogs and articles across the world will be discussing Courtney the Model’s skinny dipping antics.  Have no doubt.  Courtney is playing this game like it’s a war.  Her body is her ammunition and she is not afraid to use it.  The way Ben looks at her when she shows up in a robe with wine and ideas of getting naked speaks volumes.  Courtney is very aware of how she appears when she says, “I wonder if Ben has ever gone skinny dipping with a model?”  Talk about maniacal ego centricity.  She is a warrior of epic proportions and Ben is defenseless.  The good news, for all of you vowing never to watch this show again if Ben picks Courtney, is that Chris Harrison said something very telling on his blog today, "this is something that will continue to work  itself out..."  The backlash of Courtney's behavior has probably threatened their ratings, so Chris was permitted to let out a teaser to calm us all down.  He's practically saying, "Don't worry - the bitch will be gone soon enough!"  There are also people out there who think that Courtney is just doing what she needs to do to get Ben.  If she hadn't said such horrible things about the other girls or just kept her mouth shut all together this season, I might actually be impressed that she sought Ben out and did the nasty with him (oh come on, what do you think goes on in oceans, when naked, at night, with one's first ever super model?).  Ben admits in his blog today that he did feel bad for his actions with respect to the other girls, but he tries to treat each individual interaction as if only that person existed.  And if he was in PR, with his model girlfriend and she asked him to go skinny dipping, he would do it.  I'm sure this is very consoling to whoever he chose.

(6)  Aftermath of Skinny Dipping.  So Ben is having post hook up regret, but only mildly because he will love reporting back to his friends when this is all over that he got naked with the model whether this works out or not.  The only problem is how to explain this to his future fiance, if this person is not Courtney.  It’s a lose lose situation.  I don’t think he can get out of this one.  When Ben showed up at the pre-rose ceremony cocktail hour all suited up, I got grossed out.  Every conversation he had from post skinny dip on seemed insincere and tainted with Courtney’s evilness.  It’s like she got her hooks in him and is riding out this whole process until she hypnotizes him into a model loving puppet.  So there’s this major secret out there – that’s just sitting in the humid Puerto Rican air.  All Courtney has to do is accidentally let it slip that she went skinny dipping with Ben – would any of the girls stick around?  That could end the show right there.  Will Ben tell the girls before they find out?  Should he?  Is the skinny dipping an acceptable act at this stage of the show? I mean obviously, if there were only 3 women left and these were the fantasy overnight dates, it would be encouraged, but with so many other women still around – it just feels dirty.  I guess all’s fair in love, roses and war, but I lost a lot of respect for Ben last night.

(7) Emily vs. Courtney.  This whole Emily trying to bring Courtney down thing is hard to watch.  First because Emily has no idea how much she has to offer and that she is light years more attractive than a person like Courtney.  Emily is brilliant, pretty and normal.  But in this process, she's not herself.  She's an emotional basketcase.  All she wants to do is sabotage her time to bring down Courtney and Ben is not liking it.  Watching this dynamic unfold is both heartbreaking for Emily and so completely relatable.  How many of us become other people when blinded by anger or jealousy?  I hope that Emily can pull it together and remember why Ben liked her in the first place.

And now let’s go straight to the most WTF moments of the night:

• Ben stating that he has “a little bit of Latin swagger.”  This is just not true. Just because you are in Puerto Rico and put on a completely white outfit doesn’t make you Latin. 
• Courtney wearing a t-shirt when she arrives to the hotel that says “Be Nice.” 
• Nicki saying “moooo-eee caliente” when she means “Muy caliente.”  She is sooo young.  The Husband thinks Nicki is a little too country for Ben.  She reminds me a lot of former Bachelorette, DeAnna Pappas.  Both have Southern accents, are Bambi-eyed and have great hair, skin and white teeth.  Nicki may be a little too innocent for Ben, although I liked her go-with-the-flow attitude in the rain.  I felt awkward for them a little when they were watching the El Convento wedding.  Ben seemed like he wanted to run away.  Of course we did see the first tongue kissing going on between them later that night when he gave her the rose.  It was repulsive, but Nicki seemed very happy about it. 
• I am not understanding Blakeley’s necklace.  I think it said “Tex” on it, but not sure if that’s because she’s from Texas, has a son named Tex or is just trying to be mysterious.  Update: one of my awesome readers has informed me that necklace says "Fox" or "Foxy." Thanks, Anna!
• “PR is known for baseball.”  Ok, yes, there are a lot of famous Puerto Rican baseball players, but do you think of "baseball" when hear Puerto Rico?  My Puerto Rican amigas tell me that it is known for baseball, so there you have it.   PR is also known for its gorgeous beaches, Spanish history, pina coladas, Bacardi rum, coqui frogs,  the Arecibo observatory (where the movie "Contact" was filmed with Jodi Foster), its rain forest – El Yunque, and its magical bioluminescent bays.  And after last night’s episode, Puerto Rico will definitely be known for skinny dipping too.
• Blakeley was an animal on the baseball field.  Blakeley catching numerous hard to catch hits may have been the most shocking event ever to take place on this show.  I was expecting all of these ladies to keep striking out or not be able to catch anything – and they pleasantly surprised everyone.  Good for them!  I actually found myself getting nervous for Jennifer when she had two strikes against her and all the pressure in the world.  It was almost as exciting as the 1986 Mets World Series.  That bus ride home was absolutely ridiculous.  Too many tears, but perhaps Jennifer’s were valid.  She knew that unless she had more time with Ben, her chances were history – and she was right.  Chris Harrison revealed in his blog last week that Ben was very on the fence about Jennifer going into their one on one date last week. So his initial feelings for her were not very strong.   After Emily’s botched her redemption attempts with Ben, I thought Jennifer was a shoe-in.   Ben notes in his blog today that he wanted to let Jennifer go now, as he knew he wasn't interested in her long term and didn't want her to get any more involved.  He also described their time together as "sweet." Ouch.  And he referred to their date in Park City as "rad."  Double Ouch.
• Lindzi saying that the baseball diamond is “better than the sparkling kind.”  Ok, she’s nuts. I’m getting a little sick of her playing the dirty country girl card.
• After Blakeley's team loses the baseball game, Blakeley is so pissed that she says to her team, "I thought you guys wanted this as much as me..." Of course it doesn't help that a helicopter arrives on the field and the winning team is drinking champagne.  Nobody feels as bad as Jennifer.  Because the only thing worse than striking out in baseball is that strike out being the last out in the game.  And the only thing worse than that is then getting dumped by The Bachelor (probably because you struck out at baseball). 
• I liked how they kept blurring out Courtney's side boob.  How nuts that the entire crew (including Chris Harrison) had to watch this skinny dipping take place.
• The Husband says, "This is insane.  Basically, in the process of Ben finding his wife, he gets to have a bachelor party on the side in front of his future wife."
• Elyse says that she gave up her job and missed her best friend's wedding to come on The Bachelor (red flag).  Then she tells Ben that she loves her job and has a great job.  I'm confused. Then 30 seconds later she tells Ben she gave up this wonderful job to be on the show.  Huh?
• Elyse is confused when Ben dumps her and wants to know what she did wrong.  "You're an incredible woman," says Ben.  Ah, so he's sugar coating it just like Ashley did to him.  I would have loved Elyse to say something back at that point like, "Don't give me the Ashely..."  She literally got voted off the island, poor thing. 
• Blakeley's epiphany at the pre-rose ceremony.  Every day she writes something down about Ben that she likes about him.  Really? I think Blakeley is like the misunderstood Renaissance Woman.  Every episode we learn more and more about her and I'm starting to fall in love with her myself. That said, she has absolutely no chance of making another couple of rounds.

Best Courtney Quotes:

1. (About Emily): “You better check yourself, Bitch.”
2. "Who knew that strippers could play baseball?" 
3. "Winning is awesome" (after winning baseball game)
4. "Team Blue is a bunch of crybabies all the way home on the bus"
5. "I don't see Ben with a lot of these girls.  Lindzi has an annoying personality.  Jamie is a hot mess. Casey S - I haven't seen much interaction between her and Ben."
6. About Kacie B, "She's really cute with her baton twirling.  She reminds me of a little girl."
7. As Elyse is taking off for her one on one date, "I hope I have her phone number.  I could use a personal trainer."
8. Upon finding out that Elyse was sent home, "Maybe she drank too much and the Jersey Shore came out?"
9. "I'm pleasantly surprised.  Elyse leaving is bittersweet.  Really sweet for me, bitter for her...I'm feeling like a million bucks.  Another one bites the dust.  It blew my panties off..."  It certainly did!
10. Upon showing up at Ben's room in bathrobe with wine, "I don't know if he's ever skinny dipped with a model before...I'm hoping I'm a vision after a long day.  I hope I'm a sight for sore eyes...I have some lotion....I'm little Miss Sunshine, I sprinkle it around..."
11. "I'm about to rock your world"
12. "You only live once, and you're only in Puerto Rico once..." (except if you're Courtney and you were just there).  
13. At the rose ceremony, someone asks whether anyone feels confident about getting a rose.  Court responds, "I feel good. Yup."
14. "Ben doesn't look at the other girls the way he looks at me." This is a very true statement.

So we're off to Panama City and it looks like there's only more drama ahead.  As for the Casey S meltdown, Chris H reveals that what happens next week and his involvement is a direct result of his regret over how he handled the Bentley/Ashley situation.  Interesting!  Her leaving has to do with personal reasons and not because Ben sends her home.  Death in the family?  Bad news about someone being sick?  Ex boyfriend threatning her family?  Who knows.  

Looks like Kacie B gets another one on one date so that's pretty awesome.  Do you think Courtney is playing fair?  And is it really her fault or is it Ben's for not seeing through it?  Does anyone think Courtney is remotely interested in Ben? 

PS - that chocolate bath looked absolutely disgusting with Ben and Nicki.  I hope it at least smelled/tasted better than it looked because it kind of looked like a mud / fertiliziation pit.  Not particularly romantic considering that Ben put whipped cream all over Nicki's scalp.  How chivalrous.