Last night’s episode was a tad on the boring side again. Besides the brief few minutes we saw of Vienna lost and roaming the castle, candle in hand, looking for Jake and Gia and watching her gradually freak out, there wasn’t much to get excited about. (Jake mentions in his blog that Vienna was lost for over an hour and all the lights in the castle were on timers and went out at midnight). I think they should have spent the full hour of the show following Vienna and watching her freak out. It’s like Blair Witch all over.
I don’t remember if we’ve ever seen 3 one on one dates before combined with a two on one, particularly where the Bachelor did not have to give out any roses on the actual dates. This is definitely the result of Jake giving the boot to so many women earlier than scheduled. I wonder who he would have chosen between Gia and Vienna if he needed to make a decision. For some reason, I have this horrible feeling that Vienna is going to make it really far. I mean if he wasn’t turned off by her jumping into bed with him (he actually called her “sexy” when she showed up with two glasses of wine, when he was all ready to zonk out) unexpectedly after a long day where I am sure he just wanted to crash, that speaks volumes. Also, he seems to love taking care of her emotional needs. She was freaking out and baby talking him the whole episode up until the rose ceremony and it was kind of strange how Jake took Vienna into his hotel room to show her the view. Actually, it wasn’t strange if he was completely and totally infatuated with her. I guess I just don’t understand her appeal.
I feel like ABC is really trying hard to spread the word that Vienna is not insane. For example, in Ella’s interview which came out a couple of days ago, she claims that Vienna is just “misunderstood.” They also showed clips of Ali last night saying that she trusts Jake to make the right decision, and it sounded like she will stop bashing Vienna. They also showed Ali saying that “people make mistakes and the important thing is that they recognize those mistakes…” blah blah blah. In case this doesn’t win us over to Vienna’s side, they have Vienna saying that she also trusts Jake to make the right decision about Ali. What has this guy done to these ladies?? They are all swept up in his boyish charm. He’s a lucky guy.
San Francisco seems like a great spot for dating. Tenley’s date, after she stopped “freaking out” and avoiding hyperventilation, looked like loads of fun. She is definitely cheeseball city, but I think Jake is a little cheeseball as well, so perhaps they can be cheesy together. Also, my friend Piper reminder me that Tenley played the role of Ariel in an international theatrical production of The Little Mermaid and now I can’t stop thinking of her as a Disney character. Jake would make a wonderful Prince Charming, Prince Eric, Prince Anything in a Disney role, so I’m starting to think they would make a great pair.
The suite the girls stayed at in the InterContinental looked pretty awesome, especially after coming from a road trip. It doesn’t look like the girls were allowed to roam the city on their own, though, so I guess it would be a bit boring after a while. I love how Jake hands the girls a date card when they arrive somewhere and tells them not to open it until he is gone. Is he afraid they are going to yell at him? Beat him? Demand to know why THEY weren’t selected for a particular date?
Tenley’s reaction to finding out she has the first one on one, is nothing short of ridiculous. “Where are we going?” she squeaks. “Ohhh myyyy gosh, this is becoming really real. My heart is beating too fast.” She’s like a sweaty mouse and I feel like she might have a panic attack. The girl is so tiny that I almost think she may not be able to handle the Bachelor process. I hope these girls went under stress testing before being allowed to withstand the pressures of this show. Jake’s blog this week also reveals that Tenley did not eat any of the ethnic food they ordered together while in Chinatown. Oh no. Please don’t say eating disorder. Still, Tenley may be a bit high maintenance for Jake.
In line with their cheesiness, Jake and Tenley go outside and take a San Fran trolley. Chinatown looks like a ton of fun. Jake mentions that Tenley is “so much fun; she’s playful. You can throw anything at her.” Kind of like a mini dachshund.
Tenley may have the cheesiest lines of the show, “Falling in love in San Francisco would be so incredible…” Falling in love in a trashcan would be equally incredible for this girl.
Back at the suite, Corrie reads out the next date card, with a hilarious joke that Ali and Vienna were sharing the next date. Tension fills the room as these two are clearly pissed that they will be sharing Jake. Corrie screams out, “Just kidding!” it’s really Gia and Vienna who will be sharing Jake. The girls babble a bit about how much they hate each other (Ali and Vienna) and eventually they agree to disagree.
Meanwhile, Tenley and Jake have a romantic, candlelit dinner at the Coit Tower – I didn’t even know this was a possibility. Jake drills Tenley about her marriage and what mistakes she made. Tenley’s response is that she wished she had jumped off the couch when her husband got home from work each day. I have a really hard time believing that this girl sat still for any length of time. She just seems like the nurturing type and I am sure her hubby either a) didn’t appreciate it b) married her too young or c) was just a jerk. In any event, Jake seems to love her answers on this.
Tenley asks Jake what his expectations are of marriage. He seems to want respect, discipline and someone to have his back. I wonder if maybe he’d be better off with a guard dog. Then he utters the ultimate in cheeseball lines, “A marriage will never be perfect, but love can be.” The Fiance seems touched by this remark. Tenley manages to get out of Jake what she was probably most worried about – he is a faithful pilot. Cheating is a choice and the woman he marries will be the last woman he looks at. Ahhh, now that’s romantic. In case Tenley had any doubts as to how the evening was going, fear not. On the Wings of Love, the instrumental version, is BACK! I guess they ran out of versions of this song.
When a chest of clothing and accessories arrives at the ladies’ suite, the women get really excited. Vienna even curled her hair for the occasion. A limo comes to pick them up and takes them to the Castello di Amorosa, which happens to look incredible. Gia states at the beginning that she feels like a third wheel as Vienna is “being Vienna.” I am ready to smack Vienna when she starts using her baby voice around Jake. Gia should have totally called her out on that. It would have been awesome if she had said, “Vienna, why are you speaking like that? Do you need a bottle and a diaper change to go with that voice?” Of course maybe she did say something and it was edited out because we’re supposed to like Vienna.
Vienna tells Jake about Ali’s reaction at the rose ceremony. This is the first time we hear Vienna really mention that one of the other girls sucks as opposed to all of them just generally not liking her. Of course this triggers a well of tears and while Jake verbally comforts her, he basically is nuzzling Gia. The Fiance loved this. Then to put salt in Vienna’s wound, he asks for alone time with Gia.
Gold star for Gia for busting Jake on his unoriginal affection go-to move: sweep the lady’s legs onto his lap. Jake tries to make it up to her by telling Gia that she’s drop dead gorgeous” (she’s loving this compliment) and that he’s falling for her, and that he’s had some amazing moments with her that he hasn’t had with any of the other girls. She is eating this up. I like their chemistry together. Gia could have totally taken this time to bash the hell out of Vienna, but she just focuses on her relationship with Jake. Good for the swimsuit model!! Someone is calling her pretty and she’s surprised. It’s television at its best.
And while the smooching is going at full force in the castle between Jake and Gia, we are thrown back to Vienna, who looks like a gatekeeper walking around with a lantern as if she’s in a dungeon. “Jake? Honey?” She claims to be scared. I would understand this if there weren’t multiple members of a camera crew following her. I found her so unbearably annoying at this point. Her individual cameos are equally annoying – they seem to overlap with some of the cameos she made last week.
When Vienna finally gets some alone time with Jake, I immediately crack up because we see that she has her legs across Jake’s lap (exactly the unoriginal move that Gia talked about). Jake seems distant to Vienna and for a second, I’m delighted, because I think this means he finally realizes that he’s just not that into her. Of course then Vienna starts talking about her idea of what married life would be like. She lays it on thick. She’s into him and is “keepin’ her eyes on the prize.” Gross.
Ok, so then the date is over and the girls are escorted to their room, only for Vienna to go off and find Jake. It would have been far more interesting for her to wait for Gia to fall asleep and then go. She would have had a better chance of Jake not sending her back. Clearly Jake is uncomfortable when Vienna shows up. He eventually sends her back to the room. I would have loved to see the scene where Vienna makes it back to the room. If they could have shown a split second of some sort of smirk from Gia, I would have found that priceless. If Jake can still think of Vienna as “sexy as hell,” after pulling such shenanigans, this girl is going straight to the finals.
The Wardrobe Consultant, Corrie, wears high heels to go spend a day in San Fran with Jake. It’s hilly there. What is she thinking? This would be enough for me to break up with her, but she still seems like one of the more normal girls left, so I’m keeping an open mind. The row boat conversation they have is painful to watch. They both describe how a kiss should be (Corrie says the guys comes in 90%, she goes 10%. Jake says the guy goes 80% and the girl goes 20%). Sorry to 
say, but their formulas just don’t seem to add up properly and we know this date is doomed. When we find out later on their date that Corrie is a closet virgin (The Fiance kept referring to her as the Dark Horse Virgin after she revealed this secret), I am shocked. Yes, this explains a lot, but Corrie does not want this to define her. Sorry, Corrie, that’s all you’ll be known as from now on. Remember the girl who was a Virgin on the Bachelor with Jake? Even if I can’t remember her name a couple of years from now, I will know who she is based on her virginity status. I actually like Corrie a lot. She’s old fashioned. She won’t live with a guy before marrying him and she’s got traditional values – which I think Jake would be pretty compatible with. It’s a shame she got the boot later.
Ali is ready to go on the date she can’t stop talking about. Their date seems perfectly nice, but it’s not clear to me that Jake is as into it as Ali is. When he describes Ali as “comfortable” and “safe” for him when Chris the Host asks him about each of the women, I think unfortunately for Ali, that her days are numbered. My sister claims that Ali is going to be the next Bachelorette. We’ll have to see how much damage she has done with her Vienna bashing to see if she could possibly be the next Bachelorette.
We learn that Ali did not come from a picture perfect family. We also learn that she denies the opportunity to completely bash Vienna when Jake directly asks her about it. Is this taking the high road? Perhaps. The scene where they are basking in the sun on a blanket and it turns into a kissing session looks exactly like a Calvin Klein perfume ad.
What makes no sense is why on earth they went running into the ocean with their clothes on. I’m sure Ali’s boots were pretty expensive. The Fiance was like, “Why didn’t they just take their shoes off? It would have taken 2 seconds.”
And so it’s another rose ceremony and Tenley once again discusses her wild heartbeat. I want to make sure that I mention the horrible hair stylist that these women all probably used for this week’s rose ceremony. Vienna got the worst one – not sure if she was going for a Martha Washington look, but each of the ladies (except for Tenley) seemed to have hair styled after the famous matriarch. Of course maybe they were all trying to look matronly, in which case, they definitely achieved it. So their hair is atrocious and they all are dressed like old women about to go to tea (except Tenley who almost always wears something revealing her boobs and shoulders.).
Jake’s alone time with each of the women combined with their dates this week reveal that he really 
seems to be into each of these ladies. Going into hometown dates when Jason was the Bachelor, it was clear that Naomi was probably not going to make it past that week as he barely knew her (I don’t even think they had kissed at this point). Jake really seems like he could fall for any of these ladies at this point. It repulses me, therefore, that he chooses to take Vienna to his hotel room to escape the rose ceremony party. The thing that she has over these other girls is that she truly seems like her entire world would be ruined if he doesn’t choose her.
Probably the clearest evidence of Jake’s affection toward Vienna comes during his one on one time with Chris. Jake says that he feels he’s needed to hold back his feelings for Vienna so he doesn’t shut the other girls out. But now, he says, he is ready to just go with it. Seriously, Jake???
So Corrie goes home this week. I agree that if they had a little more time together, she may have stayed on longer. She could have been a good match for him. She seems funny and confident and smart. But I guess the fact that she wasn’t willing to get engaged on their first one on one date means she needed to be cut.
Next week it’s hometown dates and there will not be a rose ceremony. What happens? My mother started emailing me some suggestions for what happens. Jake seems to be hugging a dirty blonde girl, with wavy hair, emotionally. Does somebody come back? Why is he unable to do a rose ceremony? Does that mean all four girls will go on exotic overnight dates with Jake? Is he allowed to do this?
In any event, I’m hoping the drama factor picks up next week. Meeting the families is always an interesting insight into the women. Can’t wait to hear Gia’s mother’s thick New York accent. Vienna’s father is insane. Tenley’s parents seem cute and Ali’s mom looks nice. Should be better than this week.
Overall grade for this week’s episode: B-. I’m yawning a bit and really would like to see things pick up. On a bright note, my opinion of Jake has gone up recently both by his ability to handle the cattiness that is going on in the house. I also think he was very considerate in handling the two on one date with Gia and Vienna, not wanting to upset either one of them by paying too much attention to the other. A+ for sending Vienna straight back where she came from (too bad he didn’t send her directly home though).
5 weeks and counting til we leave for our wedding!! I think the Bach will be over by then. Then it’ll be the Academy Awards on Sunday, March 7th followed by Molly and Jason’s wedding on March 8th. So much to blog. So little time. Til next week. Let’s hear your thoughts. Who do you think will make it to the exotic overnights? Who is the surprise guest? Is Vienna growing on you? Do you like Jake more or less since the first episode? Chime in!
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