The Hottest Liar of All Time: Women Tell All Heats Up!

I am still not over last night's The Women Tell All ("WTA").  It's 7:24 AM and I am work bound, bleary eyed and exhausted after all of the madness which came to pass last night.  After the show ended, I was charging up my Netbook laptop for my morning commute so that I could blog on the train when I realized that the computer would not even turn on.  Two frantic hours later which included me searching for the computer's warranty, the Fiance blowing on the computer's battery like he used to do on his Nintendo cartridges and us trying every which way to make that damn computer restart, we gave up.  The Fiance announced that my computer was dead. Gone.  I asked him what we could do, I mean - there was no way in hell I was going to skip blogging about one of the most dramatic confrontations in Bachelor history (Roz vs. the World).  At about 12:30 AM last night, we debated bringing the laptop to a 24 hour computer repair place 8 blocks from our apartment - kind of like an Emergency Room for laptops.  Knowing I had to wake up in 5.5 hours and get to work, I decided to call it a night.

So here I sit, like a cave woman, with a pad and paper, jotting down my thoughts with shaky handwriting while the train bounces up and down. I will have to type this out later tonight when I get home from work on the other computer, which means it's gonna be a late one.  Looks like I'm without my netbook for at least 2 weeks while they fix or replace it.  I have a list of about 85 things that need to get done for our wedding (we leave 2 weeks from tomorrow!) and I'm driving the Fiance crazy with dozens of details - I hope he agrees to show up to the wedding at this point! And yet with all of this stress around me, I couldn't help but get sucked into the most gripping, shocking and entertaining WTA that I can ever remember seeing.  

First off, what does a person need to do in order to receive an invite to the Women Tell All?  Must they spend their free time writing a blog for free specifically on the Bachelor? Wait. This is what I do already.  Do they have to have invented and implemented the first ever podcast for the Bachelor?  Me again.  Where's my invite?   I think you have to live in LA and know somebody.   I've seen a couple of ads during past seasons telling people to call a number if they want tickets to the WTA.  Too bad I've been speeding through the commercials on my DVR this season. Must have missed it. 

Some of last night's show was a bit on the boring side and definitely used as filler.  Yes, we know Wes is a villain and gets lots of women both before, after and during the show.  Yes, we know "Princess Erica" from Lorenzo's season thinks a bit too highly of herself, and that her tiara line must have failed if she's now trying to be a judge (I hope that was a joke).  I still feel bad for Gwen from Aaron's season, because while her blonde hair got longer and prettier since the last time we've seen her, she still looks just as sad as when Aaron dumped her.  The Natalie with Jason, "I love bears," replay is still very funny, but if this segment was meant to be the Sportscenter highlights of Bachelor seasons' past, some new material is needed.  I did like when Natalie said that she hasn't slept with a lot of the guys on the show but that she's "taken a lot of naps with them."  Rumor had it she was dating Mike from New City (speedo Mike, from Jillian's season).  Obviously that didn't last too long.  It's evident that to be a former contestant on this show, is to be a member of some secret model society where you get to go on cruises and hand out food to the less fortunate. Who organizes these things?  Do the members have to pay?  Why didn't we see any in depth detail about what these people are up to since their seasons' ended? For example, we see a somewhat happy Kiptyn, but we don't know how he recovered since proposing to and getting rejected by Jillian.  We see a very happy looking Sarah from Charlie's season, and we see her with Charlie, but we haven't received an update as to how their relationship is going since they broke up and got back together.  It was also interesting to see Mike Stagliano and DeAnna Pappas working side by side together, but why don't they tell us that she is dating his brother and is completely in love with him?  I want to see her gush about it!  And I want to know what ever happened with Jesse C.  Nikki Sideburns seemed a lot more outgoing with some drinks in her than she ever did during her season competing for Jason.  What has influenced this behavioral change?  I am much more interested in knowing about these things as opposed to watching them drink together on a booze cruise or paint pictures with children.  It was nice to see some charity work going on, but it all seemed like a big ploy to boost the show's reputation.  Besides RozGate, the outtakes were definitely the highlight of the show.  Particularly, Gia's hiney in Jake's face made me laugh.  I was hoping that there would be another outtake from Tenley's dance where she twirls and twirls and kicks Jake in the face.

As for the actual WTA, some highlights and comments:

Gia looked amazing.  I know this because whoever can pull off a purple sequin sparkly gown has to be stunning.  At first I may have made fun of such an outfit, but she definitely came off as really classy and one of the most mature of the group despite sounding like Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinney.  She defended Vienna in a very kind away and had the most practical remark regarding Rozlyn: all Roz had to do was come forward and say she fell for the producer. Nobody would have faulted her, so stop bashing the show that gave her opportunities.  Excellent point, Gia. 

I found it amazing how many of the women last night got emotional.  Christina's bulging eyeballs made the Fiance and I crack up multiple times throughout the night, but I am glad that Jake pointed out that she was one of the women that he sent home too early.  Christina was ridiculously funny at the photo shoot group date. The fact that Jake got her humor, raises my opinion of him.

I was kind of bummed that Elizabeth the Pilot did not come back.  I'm sure enough people wrote in to request that she be the next Bachelorette.  She's probably too busy actually working as opposed to the majority of these women who are still working on their modeling career.  Did anyone else wonder how Ali had time to fly out for the Women Tell All? I know she mentioned in an interview that she was finally granted a leave of absence that was denied to her during her time on the show.  Perhaps she is enjoying some time off.  Kathryn seemed just a little too upset still that she didn't get her chance with Jake.  She really fell for the guy, and you can tell Jake is a bit taken back.  The vagueness he uses with her made me feel awkward.  I think he said something like - there were things about Kathryn that made him know that she wouldn't be wife material.  I wonder what it was.  Also interesting was that we heard nothing from Corrie the Virgin (we did learn that she has gas, though. How embarrassing that this was her only contribution to last night's show). I loved Jessie's hair extensions and found it interesting that we heard more from her last night than we did the entire season.  I also found it interesting how Jessie said that she never got involved in the drama of the house, so that's why people should believe her Rozlyn sighting on the stairs, but yet Jessie IS directly controversial when she tells Jake that Vienna is not the girl from him. 

Two of the women that I couldn't wait to see - the Nanny and Michelle.  So the Nanny admits that her behavior was game-like, but she still didn't seem to fully understand why her behavior was such a turn off.  She admits that in watching back the show, she looked "pretty stupid."  Classic self-description, but she's absolutely right.

Michelle's time with Chris was painful to watch.  I was so embarrassed for her. How could she not know what a lunatic she came off as?  She has "no regrets and wears her heart on her sleeve."  The girls called her emotionally unstable.  That was the understatement of the year.  The Fiance screams at the TV, "She's bipolar, leave her alone!"  I love how Chris asks the girls whether they edited Michelle and the girls are like, "No."  The only smart thing she does say is that she regrets forcing Jake to kiss her.  Other than that, she had no remorse, and while she did continue to giggle at some of her crazier remarks replayed to her, I don't think she'll really ever comprehend the extent of her scary behavior. I think I am still going to have nightmares about Michelle showing up outside my window.  This is particularly scary since we live on the 9th floor.

I want to make sure I spend an appropriate amount of time on Rozlyn. At first, I felt bad for her because if she had half a brain cell, there's no way she would have come back on the show.  Especially if it was to clarify that the producer and her (is this proper grammar?) were just friends. Because even if they were friends, she was guilty no matter what. She was the sluttier, model version of the Scarlet Letter. Let's just call her Hester.  It seemed like Chris was putting her on trial.   Chris prepares to answer the question about whether she was physical with the producer after a commercial break.  The Fiance says, the answer to that is, "Who cares? Because she's hot!"

Roz had no chance of coming off a winner last night.  First off, multiple girls announced their various circumstantial evidence against Roz which can be summarized by the following:

1.  Ella found Roz doing a downward doggie on a couch, hoping the producer would come tuck her into bed;

2. Valishia, her roommate, could not find Roz anywhere in the mansion at 4 AM;

3. Jessie claims to have seen Roz in a stairwell making out with the producer when everybody else wasn't around (she swears on her dog's life and Roz comes back and swears on her son's life. Holy crap - don't drag your son into this!  I double triple quadruple dare Roz to tell the truth! They really are in third grade);

4.  Christina claims she felt uncomfortable watching Roz touch the producer's thigh;

5. Ashleigh H says the two of them were very touchy feely with each other and it made her feel uncomfortable;

6. Chris the Host claims that the producer confessed that there was a physical relationship going on and

7.  The producer showed up at Roz's house after he got fired (and now we know he has a wife potentially - what on earth is he doing at Roz's house if he has a wife??!!)

Now let's say none of these things is actually true and everybody is lying.  Let's say Roz is just a flirtatious type and all of the women were just jealous of her good looks. If you start with these assumptions, Roz still loses.  This is because of the appalling way in which she handled herself.  After the ladies bring up their lines, Roz first starts attacking Ella.  Once she is done with Ella, she goes after Chris.  Her initial line to Chris,  "If you're going to ask me a question, you can calm down and listen to the answer..." took away any doubt as to whether Roz is a nice person. 

Then there's the whole, "Riddle me this, Chris" and she goes off on some strange tangent about cameras being everywhere 24/7 when the girl is being accused of sleeping with the producer who knows all of the filming schedules.  What sealed the deal was when she threw out that one liner about Chris hitting on the producer's wife in Australia.  Chris could not have handled this better.  Keep in mind that what Rozlyn had just said was probably one of the meanest, lowest things you can say to a person on national TV.  She is basically accusing him of trying to cheat on his wife (who he has been with since he was 18 years old).  Instead of blowing up, getting angry, cursing at her, strangling her, screaming out all of the additional information which you know Chris has access to, he kind of sits back, says he won't dignify her comment with a response and then wishes her well.  Now that's class, Chris!  Any shred of sympathy I felt for Rozlyn went flying out the window. Equally amazing is that ABC chose not to edit this out. But why should they? It made Rozlyn look that much worse. Her repeated incredulous facial expressions and the way she answered every question with, "Absolutely not," was so incredibly annoying that I wanted to smack her.  At the same time, I was so angry for Chris that I literally started sweating during the show.  My face was all red at one point. I wanted to yell at her for him.  I can NOT wait until the truth comes out - either with someone capturing the two of them together on tape or in a photo.  Stick TMZ on them!  Of course this is exactly what she wants.  Look for her in an upcoming edition of Playboy, "Liars and Cheaters" edition.

After such drama with Roz, I'll briefly mention Ali.  ABC is certainly lining her up to take on being the next Bachelorette.  The big concern with Ali was her trash talking Vienna.  Last night she defends Vienna - saying she doesn't deserve the attention from the tabloids, thereby trying to clear her name.  Ali actually apologizes (I am sure ABC suggested that she do this) just to once and for all clarify that Ali makes mistakes, but she's pretty, wears cute dresses and helped her grandmother.  Therefore she should be forgiven and become the next Bachelorette.  Ali had a lot to say about what she was scared of.  She was scared of being heartbroken, of giving up her whole life, and most of all, she was scared of Jake feeling like he owed it to her to pick her in the end.  I like when Ali said that she was a real person with real bills to pay and that if she lost her job, it's not like she can just move across the country.  Rumor has it that Ali works for Facebook.  At least she'll get the nicest fan page made for her if she becomes Bachelorette.

She's getting a very mixed reaction on this blog.  Some of you can't stand her and some of you love her. One things certain - she would be much better as the Bachelorette than Vienna or Tenley. I loved, btw, when someone described Tenley as pooping rainbows (or something close).  Vienna says that Tenley might actually dream in cartoon - which is by far Vienna's funniest line of the season - and quite a clever thing to say.

I'll mention quickly Jake's brief time on last night's show.  Normally they show far more detail of the actual Bachelor/ette and take questions from the audience but I guess the true excitement of the show was elsewhere.  Jake said he thought Ali was going to jump out of the limo after it pulled away.  Ali says to him with tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry."  The Fiance is also sweating at this point.  Jake says that more tough moments haven't aired yet.

One very subtle thing that ABC achieves by putting Roz in the hot seat last night, is focusing everyone's "OMG" factor on Roz.  She is the one that everyone hates.  She was rude to Chris. Mean to the girls. She was ready to "cage fight" and she came off as a terrible liar and actress.  By setting up everyone in America to feel negative toward Rozlyn, they have taken the spotlight away from Vienna, who seems to be one of the least adored finalists in Bachelor history.

So we once again see clips from next week's finale.  And again we see Tenley question whether there is any physical chemistry between her and Jake.  We also are left to wonder whether Vienna has this thing in the bag because based on her facial expressions, that is not the case.  Jake said he wouldn't propose unless he is 100% sure, however, Chris H says in his blog today that Jake is currently in love.  So what do you think? Did he decide to wait and propose to nobody?  Is he engaged? Did he choose one girl but said he wanted to wait to propose?  Did he go back for Ali (though that doesn't seem to be the case after seeing last night's show, though they definitely have some unfinished business).  I don't think either girl would last with Jake.  Therefore I think just for interest's sake, it would be awesome to see Jake end things with whoever he picks next week and go off for Ali, in a plane, with On the Wings of Love playing in the background.  They should interrupt Dancing With the Stars to show live footage of this event.  Now THAT would be the most dramatic season finale EVER.

Let's hear your thoughts on last night's show and what your predictions are for the finale.  Jason and Molly's wedding is coming up very soon as well.  Our wedding is the week after.  There will also potentially be a very exciting announcement about this blog ...so stay tuned!

-Stacey B