And so it begins. Thank you for allowing me to write about one of my favorite shows and for reading this blog. Thanks for your feedback, your encouragement and your interest. I thought long and hard about bagging this whole thing – with my job, 3 hour daily commute and our wedding less than 10 weeks, it would be much easier to come home and veg every Monday night. Instead, I feel this unexplainable obligation to blog on about this show. Even if it's 24 hours after the show aired. So here I go.Can you believe another season of The Bachelor is upon us? Does anyone still have hope that this is going to be the most shocking season ever? Better question – did anybody think it was going to be the most shocking season ever, but immediately lost that hope once “On the Wings of Love,” the instrumental version, started playing in the background of the opening 5 minute profile of Jake the Pilot?
It’s 7:20 AM right now, and I am sitting on a commuter train, work bound. By the time I post this later tonight, there will be dozens of recaps floating around the Internet reflecting on the events of last night. For this reason, I will not recap, but rather, comment on some of the things that went on last night. Then I will go over the Jake the Bachelor score sheet from last night’s show, tally up the points and ask for your feedback as well. Here we go.
There’s no magic originality in last night’s opening. ABC played the pilot with great abs card as aggressively as possible. Jake is portrayed a Mr. Nice Guy Finishes Last/Mr. I Didn’t Become a Doctor and Only Became a Successful Commercial Pilot So My Parents Were Disappointed/ Mr. I Can’t Get a Second Date. This makes me wonder about Jake. If you’re that good looking (let’s face it, he’s a fine looking Dude, regardless of his somewhat square personality), and you are a pilot and you have a nice family and you have manners, how on earth on you not getting a second date? I mean it usually takes about 3 dates to confirm that somebody is boring or not for you. And if I was a single girl looking for Mr. Right and Jake shows up on my first date, I am at least going to give it another shot with a second date based purely on looks alone. Is that shallow? Perhaps. But this tells me much more about Jake’s ability to pick the right women to go on dates with. Still, overall, this intro made Jake seem like a relatively harmless, nice guy.
He’s certainly no Wes from last season and I hardly doubt he’d propose to one of these ladies only to dump her and pursue the runner-up. And what’s wrong with nice? Perhaps nothing. Perhaps everything. The jury is still out.Did anyone else think that the ladies on last night’s show were all supermodels? Like I was checking out a Sports Illustrated edition (the prom dress version) and girl after girl coming out of those limos were drop dead hot?? Despite claiming to be very nervous, Jake didn’t really seem to care too deeply about looks, despite the fact he did give roses to two of the supermodels with actress agendas (Elizabeth, the 29 year old Nanny from Nebraska but who lives in Los Angeles (uh, pursuing her acting/modeling career no doubt and nannying on the side for some cash) and Rozlyn – the blonde bombshell).
I think we were all a bit shocked by some of Jake’s choices at the rose ceremony. You’re picking Michelle (Emotional, Intense, Always about to Cry) and Evil Christina (I’m bringing the girls candy as a parting gift on their way out the door) over Elizabeth, the 29 year old National Guard Captain who’s smart, down to earth and gorgeous in her own way?? What was he thinking? BTW, I loved the comment from one of the girls in the house when Christina was handing out the candy, "I bet she put laxatives in that candy." But getting back to Jake's lack of taste - why would he reject Sheila, the stunning blonde haired girl who happens to be a commercial pilot??!! Jake, might you at least try to see if you have some chemistry with basically a supermodel who also happens to have the same profession as you? It’s not even just her looks and occupation. Ed and Jillian told Jake that Sheila was one of their favorites. Was he that turned off by her looks or personality? Maybe she wasn't forward enough for him? It’s confusing.Speaking of Ed and Jillian, they were definitely cute together as a couple. Jillian, however, who I usually adore, did not seem her usual self. That glitzy silver sequined gown was too much for her. She didn’t need it – she usually has such cute clothes, I was a bit disappointed. I hope she doesn’t feel like she needed to outdo herself just because Ed may have a wandering eye. (If she felt insecure about him before, imagine having her Ed walk into a room of 25 single, gorgeous, YOUNG babes ready to pounce).
Another observation which I would like to point out – was the amount of blondes that looked alike last night. There were about 6 of them sitting on a couch together at one point and it was hard to distinguish between them. They all had very long, wavy blonde hair. I thought Tiana looked like Jessica Bowlin who “won” Jesse Palmer’s season as The Bachelor. What do you think? Even Jake seemed to think that these girls were out of his league. In a normal world, I’d agree. But this is The Bachelor, where even the puniest of dudes (hello, Byron the bass fisherman??) is made to look like a dream come true.
In addition, besides the Cambodian lady, who in my opinion, was tacky and kind of nasty when she said (in Cambodian) that Jake could land on her landing strip (there is a time and place for everything, but as the first sentence out of her mouth to him – gross), there were no other minorities. Clearly Jake likes Caucasian women, but surely ABC could have found a couple of intelligent, attractive ethnic ladies besides Channy for Jake to pursue. Perhaps these women were just not interested in Jake. Anyone would have been better than Channy, though. She was probably my least favorite girl of the night.There is no doubt that Rozlyn, the vivacious Blonde with the “enormous assets” has a not so hidden agenda. Clearly she is there to promote her modeling career. She mocks Michelle’s intensity on desiring marriage and children with Jake and then communicates with Jake mostly through smoldering stares and cheap lines like, “Do you want to have kids with me right now?” As The Fiance said, even if you don’t like her personality, you’ve got to keep her boobs around for at least another week. Nice, Fiance.
I have to say, that watching Jake in his element as a pilot, was somewhat interesting. It is probably the most interesting thing about him. Otherwise, he’s a bit square for me. Chris Harrison calls this quality “sincerity.” I guess there’s something to be said for that. Maturity calls for sincerity over party boy and Jake definitely fits the bill. Despite my doubts that Jake will be able to hold our interests over the course of the season, I am always rooting for love. And whether that’s with Paris Hilton (Vienna) and her little dog Chloe; Courtney Cox, the Taller, Younger, Hotter Version (Elizabeth, 29, Nanny) or
Elijah Wood (Emily, the beautiful Fit Model. Oh wait, he already sent her home), I will cheer for a happy ending. 
Jake comments at the beginning of the show that he thought he would be married by age 31. What’s wrong with being single at 31? If anything, it means that Jake has had the chance to become independent, establish his career and become his own person. Nothing wrong with that. I like how they blend these comments with shots of Jake on his motorcycle, in aviator glasses, driving off into the sunset, Top Gun style. After calling himself a “nice guy” at least 4 times, Jake concludes that “Nice guys don’t finish last. They just may have to wait a bit longer…” I’d like to modify this comment and sum up this season (is it possible to sum it up before it’s really begun?) by saying, “Nice girls who watch The Bachelor will have to wait a very long time for this season to be over.”
Some general comments about the ladies:
Ali, 25 (If Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson had a child, it would be Ali). I loved her yellow chiffon dress last night. She was adorable. From the previews of the season, it looks like Ali is a front runner this season. I’d look for her in the final 4 for sure. One of my favorite highlights of the night: her tripping while getting the first one on time with Jake and ripping her dress. Better than that was her comment, “I’m never fixing this dress.” Like when you’re in 4th grade and the guy you have a crush on kisses your lunch box or something like that – and you vow never to wash your lunch box. My only hesitation was Ali’s fear of flying. Something tells me that Jake will have no problem convincing her to get into a plane. Also, some of her comments about Jake indicated that she’s a bit young.Tenley, 25, the Dancer who was a virgin until her wedding day. This is another person to watch. She must be somewhat religious if she was a virgin until her wedding day and hasn’t kissed another man (until she forces Jake to kiss her). Also, in her photo shoot online, she wears a cross (Jake puts G-d first). I was completely annoyed that she felt the need to read Jake a list of her 10 best qualities. I missed this, but did she give him a Top 10 list because her name is Tenley? Rolled my eyes at this – especially when #1 on her countdown was that she was a good kisser. But
worse than this ridiculous list is the fact that Jake fell for it. And worse than Jake falling for it – is the fact that Tenley stupidly told the other ladies that she kissed Jake (BAD, BAD move on night 1), and then ended up CRYING over it. And of course, worse than all of these crazy things is the fact that Jake ends up giving her the first impression rose. HUHHHH? I thought that rose would go to Ashleigh from North Potomac (where The Fiance is from!), who is the girl that tripped on her way out of the limo up to Jake. How could she have tripped with the height of the slit in her dress? She had plenty of stretch! Did anybody else replay that moment over and over again? I couldn’t stop laughing. The Fiance thinks she did that on purpose. If moments from The Bachelor made it into a highlight reel that played on the SportsCenter of Reality TV, the trip into Jake’s arms, would have definitely made the cut.Tenley’s baby voice drove me a little nuts. I think Jake will fall for this hard – along with the fact that Tenley’s ex cheated on her. I am sure Jake, being the nice guy he is, has been cheated on before – and he will be able to relate.
Let us not forget that both Ali and Tenley are babies: 25. Not as young as Elijah Wood Emily (who was only 23), but still, very young. This doesn’t seem to bother Jake right now.
I am really sad about Elizabeth – Captain in the National Guard. She was probably my favorite. Anyone with a shred of intelligence would have kept her around. She just seemed so normal. I vote for her to be the next Bachelorette.Rozlyn is already bothering me. Just because she looks like Barbie and is there for her modeling career. Enough said.
Christina was a bitch, and knows it. She likes it. The funniest part about her was when she was practicing small talk with girls in a mirror. “I like your shoes.” She’s a guy’s girl. I think she’ll stick around as bitches often do, but she’s not going to win this thing.
Vienna is Paris Hilton. Another member of the Blonde Club, she’s as bubbly as they come. This may be a little
overwhelming for Jake’s personality. She’s going to fall hard for Jake – who is out of her league looks wise, however, she seems like a nice girl and at least at the end of this, she’ll have Chloe. The fact that she has “Mommy/Daughter days” with her dog is mildly alarming, but will add some spice to this otherwise dull season. Paris/Vienna is 23 years old. ‘Nuff said.
Courtney Cox, aka “Elizabeth the hot Nanny” won the affection of every guy in America when she threw that football to Jake. Final 3 for sure. Though what 29 year old is a Nanny full time? Would you want this woman in your house? Does she really mean, “Nanny/Model?” Did she come straight out of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue to be on this show? Very possible. I’d like to know if she has a personality. If she does, this might be a homerun for Jake if she’s remotely interested in him. Otherwise it’s her or Rozlyn having an affair with the producer or cameraman (or each other) on set.
Ella, the 29 year old Hair Stylist and mom to Ethan, seems to have a lot of the qualities that Stephanie from Jason’s season has. Southern accent, totally devoted to her kid and seems like a very nice person. It was interesting that she immediately told Jake about her son. Not sure how I feel about her giving Jake, her son’s toy – clearly that was not her kid's idea??). Behind this sweetness of Ella’s, there may be a competitive fire – she boxes and notes that “if there’s a girl in her face, she will knock them out.” Woah!!
It’s now 5:47 PM and I’m on the train home. Long day. Let’s get right back to it.
For some reason, I think Jake’s going to keep Gia around for way longer than I want to see her. Another model (for swimsuits, fitness and a beauty pageant competitor), she’s as deep as Saran Wrap and so far, all we know is that Jake likes her long dark hair. That’s a lot to go on. She’s another one that talks with her “assets.” Was not a fan. Also she says that she's from "Manhattan" and gives him a sideways smile when she does this. I have no idea what she's trying to accomplish, but maybe this was something she was taught by a beauty pageant coach.
Let’s take a moment to talk about Michelle. First the positive – she is definitely a stunning girl. And let’s be honest – she’s made it very clear what her purpose for being on the show is: she wants a husband, kids and she thinks Jake could be the one. Or rather, she’s ready for the rest of her life to start ASAP with him. I can understand that if you suddenly had an epiphany within an hour of meeting Jake that he’s your soulmate/husband/father of your children, it might be very upsetting to know that there are 24 other women competing for your man as well. No wonder she got emotional. On the other hand, she was crying over him within an hour of meeting him. That’s either the alcohol, the hormones or severe emotional problems. No matter the reason, Jake seemed to like it. He ignored the advice of his buddies Jills and Ed and gave her a rose anyway. If her intensity continues, however, even Jake may thinks it’s too much. Right now he thinks it’s cute. We’ll see how long that lasts, especially once she starts showing up in his shower and bedroom window at all hours of the night.
Speaking of shower, was it really necessary to have an entire shower shot of Jake from the waist up, focusing on his abs in between soap shots of his armpits, talking about his quest for love? I mean, come on! This is a family show!
The Football game that broke out during the cocktail party was definitely sparked by alcohol. No supermodels, fit models, spokespeople, etc. willingly decide to spontaneously play football. I was very impressed with Elizabeth and Jessie (“Do you have a registry for these guns?” she says to Jake upon coming out of the limo. He doesn’t get the joke) for making some incredible catches.
When one lady (was it Alexa?) came out of the limo wearing black leather gloves, I had no idea what she was going to do to Jake. She says to Jake, “Guess what I’m going to do with these?” at which point The Fiance says, “She’s gonna choke him.” Instead she wanted to let him ride her Harley. All of these planes and bikes are getting to be too much. Enough.
Corrie’s line, “Do you want to Kissimme?” thew Jake off at first. What did she expect him to say in response to that? He didn’t know she was from Florida. And he certainly didn’t look like he wanted to kiss her. But he must have found this charming because Corrie got a rose. We didn't see much of her tonight, but she seems pretty normal for now.
Valishia may be another one to watch. If she has family from Texas (Jake's home) and thinks the best things in life are free, she may be low maintenance and Jake will like that. What I don't understand is how at age 24, she's a homemaker when she lives in one of the most expensive parts of the world (Southern California)?? Is she a trust fund baby? Or is "homemaker" another word for "aspiring actress, model, nanny?" I thought people had to have a husband and kids to be a "homemaker." Couldn't she at least come up with "Babysitter" or "Artist" or "Volunteer?" Plus, I thought it was funny when her and Jillian started dancing together.
Ashley seemed cute and bubbly, in her long pink dress, until she busted out the hooker, I mean, co-pilot outfit for Jake. It got his attention because she got the rose. She's another one to look out for. I liked that Ashley is 29, a bit older compared to the rest of these girls and a teacher. Although, I hope none of her students saw her in that outfit.
Jake seems pretty confident that his wife is amongst this group. He tells Chris the Host that the woman of his dreams is there.
Some funny lines from last night:
Jake to one of the supermodel bachelorettes, "I like to build furniture and create..."
Supermodel (just stares at Jake with smoldering eyes)
Channy: "I can be a naughty girl. Jake needs a little bit of Cambodian fever."
Christina: “Some people have their tatas out to play” (camera pan to Rozlyn's boobs)
Michelle (with tears in eyes): "I deserve Jake for where I am in my life right now. It will make me feel even...I want a husband, children, etc.
Rozlyn: "I hope that all works out for you."
I think Kathryn is another one to watch (this is the one that wears an engagement ring on her left hand so that guys don't hit on her. She is a flight attendant and I'm guessing this would otherwise happen a lot. Kathryn seems sweet, shy, almost normal. She's very attractive too. They don't say too much about her (Jill and Ed told Jake to choose her), so I'm guessing there's more to come.
Sorry, more quotes
Ed: "I'm here to help you vet them out." Awesome. Spoken like a true businessman.
Ed: We're trying for our dog. She (Jillian) is off the pill.
Tenley (part of her top 10 list): "I'm a cuddle bug." Gross.
Roses go to:
Ella (the mom)
Elizabeth from Nebraska the Nanny (Courtney Cox, but hotter)
Ali (Torn dress, Lost voice)
Vienna (Paris Hilton)
Christina (the bitch)
Gia (Pageant contestant with long brown hair)
Ashley (co pilot get up)
Rozlyn (Barbie, huge boobs)
Jessie (great football catcher)
Corrie (blonde, skinny nose)
Felizia (danced with Jills)
Ashleigh H (the one that tripped) North Potomac
Kathryn (flight attendant w/ engagement ring)
Michelle (crazy)
Tenley (first impression rose)
As for the results of the Jake-the-Bachelor points game. Did you do your tallies??
Here's what I calculated:
1. Every time Jake takes off his shirt (+1) 7 times. Total = 7 points
2. Every time Jakes works out on camera (+1) 2 times. Total = 2 points
3. One of the Bachelorette cries (+1) 4 times = 4 points
4. Inappropriate, busty, short skirt outfit (+1) 2 times = 2 points
5. "I'm a nice guy" references (-1) 3 times = -3 points
6. Jake was heartbroken references (-1) 2 times = -2 points
7. Jake's a pilot, modern day Tom Cruise (+1) 8 times = 8 points
8. Unoriginal line used from previous season (-2) 4 times = -8 points
9. Chris tries to change it up a bit (+1) 1 time = 1 point
10. Jake kisses a girl (+1) 1 time = 1 point (knee does not count)
11. A girl gives Jake a present (-3) 2 times = -6 points
My early top 5 picks: Ali, Elizabeth, Kathryn, Tenley and Ella
Total for Episode 1: 6 points overall. The pluses win this by a hair. What am I missing? What were your favorite lines? Who do you think is gonna win? I wanna here it!!!
If this season doesn't do it for you, did any of you catch the show that was on AFTER?? It was ridiculous! "Conveyor Belt of Love." The concept? 5 women watch as 30 men come out on a conveyor belt. Each man has 60 seconds to win these women over. I have no idea what happens if they woo a particular lady, as I don't have time to think about these things, but I'm sure it's worth at least 30 seconds of your time.
For some reason, I think Jake’s going to keep Gia around for way longer than I want to see her. Another model (for swimsuits, fitness and a beauty pageant competitor), she’s as deep as Saran Wrap and so far, all we know is that Jake likes her long dark hair. That’s a lot to go on. She’s another one that talks with her “assets.” Was not a fan. Also she says that she's from "Manhattan" and gives him a sideways smile when she does this. I have no idea what she's trying to accomplish, but maybe this was something she was taught by a beauty pageant coach.
Let’s take a moment to talk about Michelle. First the positive – she is definitely a stunning girl. And let’s be honest – she’s made it very clear what her purpose for being on the show is: she wants a husband, kids and she thinks Jake could be the one. Or rather, she’s ready for the rest of her life to start ASAP with him. I can understand that if you suddenly had an epiphany within an hour of meeting Jake that he’s your soulmate/husband/father of your children, it might be very upsetting to know that there are 24 other women competing for your man as well. No wonder she got emotional. On the other hand, she was crying over him within an hour of meeting him. That’s either the alcohol, the hormones or severe emotional problems. No matter the reason, Jake seemed to like it. He ignored the advice of his buddies Jills and Ed and gave her a rose anyway. If her intensity continues, however, even Jake may thinks it’s too much. Right now he thinks it’s cute. We’ll see how long that lasts, especially once she starts showing up in his shower and bedroom window at all hours of the night.Speaking of shower, was it really necessary to have an entire shower shot of Jake from the waist up, focusing on his abs in between soap shots of his armpits, talking about his quest for love? I mean, come on! This is a family show!
The Football game that broke out during the cocktail party was definitely sparked by alcohol. No supermodels, fit models, spokespeople, etc. willingly decide to spontaneously play football. I was very impressed with Elizabeth and Jessie (“Do you have a registry for these guns?” she says to Jake upon coming out of the limo. He doesn’t get the joke) for making some incredible catches.
When one lady (was it Alexa?) came out of the limo wearing black leather gloves, I had no idea what she was going to do to Jake. She says to Jake, “Guess what I’m going to do with these?” at which point The Fiance says, “She’s gonna choke him.” Instead she wanted to let him ride her Harley. All of these planes and bikes are getting to be too much. Enough.
Corrie’s line, “Do you want to Kissimme?” thew Jake off at first. What did she expect him to say in response to that? He didn’t know she was from Florida. And he certainly didn’t look like he wanted to kiss her. But he must have found this charming because Corrie got a rose. We didn't see much of her tonight, but she seems pretty normal for now.Valishia may be another one to watch. If she has family from Texas (Jake's home) and thinks the best things in life are free, she may be low maintenance and Jake will like that. What I don't understand is how at age 24, she's a homemaker when she lives in one of the most expensive parts of the world (Southern California)?? Is she a trust fund baby? Or is "homemaker" another word for "aspiring actress, model, nanny?" I thought people had to have a husband and kids to be a "homemaker." Couldn't she at least come up with "Babysitter" or "Artist" or "Volunteer?" Plus, I thought it was funny when her and Jillian started dancing together.
Ashley seemed cute and bubbly, in her long pink dress, until she busted out the hooker, I mean, co-pilot outfit for Jake. It got his attention because she got the rose. She's another one to look out for. I liked that Ashley is 29, a bit older compared to the rest of these girls and a teacher. Although, I hope none of her students saw her in that outfit.Jake seems pretty confident that his wife is amongst this group. He tells Chris the Host that the woman of his dreams is there.
Some funny lines from last night:
Jake to one of the supermodel bachelorettes, "I like to build furniture and create..."
Supermodel (just stares at Jake with smoldering eyes)
Channy: "I can be a naughty girl. Jake needs a little bit of Cambodian fever."Christina: “Some people have their tatas out to play” (camera pan to Rozlyn's boobs)
Michelle (with tears in eyes): "I deserve Jake for where I am in my life right now. It will make me feel even...I want a husband, children, etc.
Rozlyn: "I hope that all works out for you."
I think Kathryn is another one to watch (this is the one that wears an engagement ring on her left hand so that guys don't hit on her. She is a flight attendant and I'm guessing this would otherwise happen a lot. Kathryn seems sweet, shy, almost normal. She's very attractive too. They don't say too much about her (Jill and Ed told Jake to choose her), so I'm guessing there's more to come.Sorry, more quotes
Ed: "I'm here to help you vet them out." Awesome. Spoken like a true businessman.
Ed: We're trying for our dog. She (Jillian) is off the pill.
Tenley (part of her top 10 list): "I'm a cuddle bug." Gross.
Roses go to:
Ella (the mom)
Elizabeth from Nebraska the Nanny (Courtney Cox, but hotter)
Ali (Torn dress, Lost voice)
Vienna (Paris Hilton)
Christina (the bitch)
Gia (Pageant contestant with long brown hair)
Ashley (co pilot get up)
Rozlyn (Barbie, huge boobs)
Jessie (great football catcher)
Corrie (blonde, skinny nose)
Felizia (danced with Jills)
Ashleigh H (the one that tripped) North Potomac
Kathryn (flight attendant w/ engagement ring)
Michelle (crazy)
Tenley (first impression rose)
As for the results of the Jake-the-Bachelor points game. Did you do your tallies??
Here's what I calculated:
1. Every time Jake takes off his shirt (+1) 7 times. Total = 7 points
2. Every time Jakes works out on camera (+1) 2 times. Total = 2 points
3. One of the Bachelorette cries (+1) 4 times = 4 points
4. Inappropriate, busty, short skirt outfit (+1) 2 times = 2 points
5. "I'm a nice guy" references (-1) 3 times = -3 points
6. Jake was heartbroken references (-1) 2 times = -2 points
7. Jake's a pilot, modern day Tom Cruise (+1) 8 times = 8 points
8. Unoriginal line used from previous season (-2) 4 times = -8 points
9. Chris tries to change it up a bit (+1) 1 time = 1 point
10. Jake kisses a girl (+1) 1 time = 1 point (knee does not count)
11. A girl gives Jake a present (-3) 2 times = -6 points
My early top 5 picks: Ali, Elizabeth, Kathryn, Tenley and Ella
Total for Episode 1: 6 points overall. The pluses win this by a hair. What am I missing? What were your favorite lines? Who do you think is gonna win? I wanna here it!!!
If this season doesn't do it for you, did any of you catch the show that was on AFTER?? It was ridiculous! "Conveyor Belt of Love." The concept? 5 women watch as 30 men come out on a conveyor belt. Each man has 60 seconds to win these women over. I have no idea what happens if they woo a particular lady, as I don't have time to think about these things, but I'm sure it's worth at least 30 seconds of your time.
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