There's Something They're Not Showing Us About Vienna

In an otherwise relatively average episode last night, there were some exciting highlights. I will say, however, that I miss Michelle and the Nanny. They totally could have done some really creepy things in the woods – sneaking into Jake’s tent uninvited, etc. I love how Jake is slashing girls left and right – and wonder why this has never been done before? Every woman on this show is expected to fall madly in love with The Bachelor and truly believe that he is the ONE for her. I never understood how this happens. Does ABC feed them a certain drug? Are they pumped with subliminal thoughts throughout the nights in the mansion? In any event, I'd like to congratulate Jake for being the first to kick girls out early, especially when he totally could have landed Ashleigh, Kathryn, Ella and let's face it, Michelle in a heartbeat - and probably all on the same night.

Last night’s episode got me wondering a bit too hard about Vienna. The girls really hate her. She’s like this season’s Wes, but worse – the girls can’t stand to be in the same room with her. Last week I wondered whether ABC was not showing us certain things about Vienna, wanting us to be in the dark so that we would perhaps remain neutral a bit longer. This week, I am convinced. What we currently see of Vienna is a googly eyed, bubbly girl who is overly smitten with her Jakey. How could she be so bad? She can’t help but speak in this soft baby voice within an inch from his face whenever she’s near him and this seems at contrast with her large personality. Certainly she's a bit irritating and not the most attractive girl, but is this enough to deserve the harsh criticism from the ladies of the house? Jessie, who we almost never see any footage of, goes out of her way to warn Jake about Vienna. Interestingly, in probably the only clear cut evidence we discover about Vienna last night, Vienna is a Daddy’s Girl – she crashes cars and her father writes the checks. We kind of knew she was well off when we saw her on the season premiere with her little dog, wearing a bikini and reminding us way too much of Prince Lorenzo’s season when that Blonde girl from Texas who wore tiaras all the time pranced around the house. (Off topic: didn’t she end up starting her own line of tiaras after the show?)

At one point Jake coaches Vienna into taking her outspokenness down a notch in the house so that the girls will hate her less. Later on in the show, Vienna wants to know whether Jake’s family and friends will like her, admitting that the girls in the house hate her. Now if Jake is remotely questioning his relationship with her, buzz words from Vienna like “your family” and “your friends” would send him running so fast in the other direction. But he still manages to give her a rose – despite Jessie’s warning and despite knowing that the other girls hate her. He’s asking for it. If ABC is hiding all the good stuff (Vienna has now been describes as a liar, deceiver, someone that is 110% wrong for Jake, someone that badmouths all the girls (though in her defense, they all bad mouth her too)), I’m really annoyed. I want to know all the annoying stuff she does so I can groan even more if/when Jake decides to pick her each week leading up to the end. Since it is evident that Vienna will go far on this show based on the fact that she’s still around despite all of this, I’m just going to sit back and enjoy the train wreck.

So this week’s “road trip” was all too familiar (with Jillian, the guys took a train ride with very similar dates lined up). The girls self split themselves (kudos to ABC for not putting enemies together and forcing us to watch unnecessary cat fights for the entire California coastline). They force Jake to ride his motorcycle the whole time - that must have gotten tiresome after about the first 60 miles. Ali’s definitely still bothering me this week. Her and Tenley’s feigned enthusiasm over getting onto a bus was simply annoying. It irked me when their mouths formed this “OMG” gesture – because really, who is that excited about knowing that you will be living out of a bus for the next week? It also appeared that 95% of the conversation on the Ali/Tenley bus revolved around how annoying Vienna is. I guess it made for some interesting conversation, but it really painted them in a negative light (which is perhaps what ABC is trying to accomplish. You can almost see the producers sitting around being like – well Vienna is annoying, but if we can make Ali and the rest of the girls seem catty and mean, then Vienna will seem like a better choice). In one particular scene, Ali said that she would volunteer to take the two on one date with Vienna and “take one for the team.” Tenley actually thanks her. This is a completely ludicrous statement because Ali has absolutely no decision making power on who gets what dates and certainly Ali is no saint for volunteering to do so. The Fiance found her very controlling this episode and said that ultimately her personality will not match Jake’s very well. He seems to need a nurturing, sweet type like Tenley.

Gia’s date in the vineyard was beyond ridiculous. I’m from New York and let me tell you – nobody with a shred of common sense (regardless of where they are from) would wear stilettos for a motorcycle ride or date on a vineyard. What was she thinking? I am glad she immediately took them off to go frolicking in the vineyard. I love how their game of hide and seek lasted 30 seconds - long enough for Jake to see her through a leaf (was she really hiding?) and carry her around. Then again, what else is there really to do in wine vineyard if you’re not on a tour and you’re not working there? I’m guessing SPUD was out of the question, so hide and seek is probably a fair option despite the lack of hiding spots. The two advance to more grown up games like spin the bottle, which is also completely ridiculous. Jake, don’t you know the whole thrill of spin the bottle is not knowing who it will land on? I mean, if you’re playing with one other person, there’s a pretty good chance you’re going to make out with her. Then again, I guess it’s kind of awkward to just start making out for no reason. And I did like the fact that these two both self admit to being nerds growing up. Gia is definitely attractive (except when she wears that horrible bright red lipstick and looks kind of clownish or trampy) and might be a good person to share Jake’s inner dork with. She did, however, seem down to earth and have a warm personality once we got passed her thick accent.

I love when Jake asks Gia what she wants at the end of this process and Gia says, “In the end it would be you and I and we’d be engaged and be engaged for a while.” This boggles my mind - and yet simultaneously proves once again why this is the most entertaining show on television. This is their first one on one date and miraculously, she is ready to be engaged. Of course maybe she’s talking in hypotheticals, which is the only sensible thing to guess here. When Gia starts telling Jake that she wants to have 2 kids and adopt a little girl from China, Jake starts rubbing his face. When The Fiance starts doing that, it means he’s stressed and I can only imagine what must be running through Jake’s head. Long term, I don’t see these two working out. Gia is way too concerned with her hair and lipstick and while Jake appreciates these things, I don’t think they are a solid foundation for a relationship. After Gia accepts the rose, we have reason to celebrate: the On the Wings of Love music is back! The piano version!! Who knew there were so many different versions?!

Did anybody else notice how much scenery was incorporated into last night’s show? I guess they had some time to fill since the only story line of the show is that Vienna sucks and Jake still likes her. I’d say a good 20% of the shots last night were dedicated to the California coast, the great outdoors and Jake riding his motorcycle like the rugged man he is. They were definitely beautiful – but also evidenced that there wasn’t much else going on this week.

I found some of Jake’s conversations with the girls awkward last night. Especially the part when the girls arrive at the camp sites and he says to them all: “Do you like camping…nature is such a big part of my life” giggle giggle. Awkward. To balance this, they soon show Jake shaving with an electric razor in the woods, a button down shirt exposing his tanned perfect abs. I can forgive the awkwardness temporarily.

So the former Mr. Dateless makes some big moves this episode. He gets Gia to fall in love. The whole dune buggy date seemed insane. The girls pretend they thrive off of being dirty. I didn't really get the sand surfing thing (definitely a California thing), but it looked kind of fun. Corrie seems to bond with him a bit, but doesn’t open enough for Jake. Corrie seems relatively normal, but I’m still not over her mean comedy act from last week, plus the fact that we haven’t seen much of her to this point means she’s headed nowhere fast on this show.

One of my favorite scenes from last night was Jake’s alone time with Ashleigh on the group date. She’s basically wearing a dress with no bottom, thighs exposed, throwing herself at Jake – and he couldn’t look more uncomfortable. The Fiance was squirming watching them, because it was palpable just how uninterested Jake was in her. They had absolutely nothing to talk about. Ashleigh seems like a relatively smart girl – certainly a calmer type than Vienna, however, if Jake is going to prefer Vienna over Ashleigh, we can see why he’s still single.

And then there was the Ella vs. Kathryn match up. This is the most face time we’ve seen of Kathryn all season and I have to say – I liked her very much. I didn’t buy Jake’s speech to her about how she’s so beautiful that he wants to make sure it’s not just her beauty he’s wrapped up in and that he’s scared of being overwhelmed with her looks (is this for real?). I agreed with Kathryn in how she felt like a third wheel on the date because Jake did already have that one on one time with Ella and then he goes off with her first. He should have been spending a little extra effort getting to know Kathyrn. I whole heartedly applaud her effort for calling Jake out on ignoring her and not giving her sufficient time to get to know her. She’s no wallflower and some of what she said to Jake may be the smartest words that ever came from a contestant on this show. Once they have established that they are physically attracted to each other and Jake apologizes for making her feel like he’s not interested, Kathryn says, “Well let’s talk because really…we don’t have that much time!”

Ella laid it on a bit strong as to what she’s looking for (which mostly seemed to be mother/father related). I think this was too much for Jake. I loved, however, when Kathryn tried to interject her own thoughts and Ella just kept on talking right through and continued speaking, completely ignoring Kathryn.

I love how in Jake’s time with Kathryn, Jake promises that he won’t discredit the fact that they have only spent a little bit of time together – and yet that is exactly what he does by getting rid of her. He says he’s “scared” of opening up to her. This is crap. He’s just not that into her. Go read the book, Kathryn!

I like Jake’s speech to Ella when he lets her go. It’s respectful and to the point. I also liked that he took her outside to do the dumping rather than do it in front of Kathryn. It is kind of strange though, because Kathryn probably thought she was getting a rose while he dumped Ella. Good for him for not leading either girl on. I was a little surprised at Kathryn’s reaction – she seemed to have developed some strong feelings in their limited time together (probably a result of spending too much time with Ali and Tenley). Kathryn warns him that he’s making a mistake.

Ella’s upset too, but mentions that she’s surprised to be “let go this early in the GAME.” The game. That says it all – it’s a competition for her. I don’t see this really going anywhere between them regardless. A highlight of the show, however, is definitely once Jake finishes crying against his cabin once he ditches both girls. He takes the roses, the cameras follow him around looking very much in deep though and then he dramatically burns them. I couldn’t stop laughing at this point. Did they have him practice this? Were they like, “Jake, walk slower toward the fire, try to look confused and upset.”

If you're going to dump a girl, at least spell her name correctly. In Jake's blog this week on People.com, he keeps referring to "Katherine." If I were K, I'd be happy that Jake let me go as early as he did. If he doesn't know that you are Kathryn, he's not paying attention to details which really means he's not interested.

Why did the girls cry when they found out that not only Ella but Kathryn's bags were taken away as well? Shouldn't they be happy that they have 1 less person to compete against? Their chances just went up, actually. Ella and Kathryn seem like good people - sweet, fun, smart and well liked. Isn't it a good thing to watch your competition get the boot?

Ali’s obsession with Vienna’s downfall is getting to be too much. When she says she’ll throw up if Vienna gets a rose, that’s really unnecessary. We get it. You hate her. Now remember that you are not there to make lifelong friends, you’re there to find love – so stay focused and keep your mouth shut and perhaps you can keep an ounce of self respect. Even more annoying than Ali’s anger is Vienna’s reaction to Ali – like when Ali calls shotgun on the group date and Vienna’s response is “have your fun with him, cause I’m gonna marry him…” Are they 7 years old? It’s like they’re fighting over a doll.

One more point about the group date. Who came up with the concept of sand surfing? And rolling down the hill? There seems to be a common theme of playing children’s games this episode. But I guess that’s all part of seeing who is free spirited and who likes to get sand in their crotch.

Tenley’s alone time goes well – which is reinforced by her receiving the rose on the group date. Jakes wants to make sure that she’s over her ex husband and I’m not quite sure whether we clear that up. Personally, it concerns me as well. We do see, however, that she is over him enough to really want to make out with Jake. Good for her. These two have some good natural chemistry. Not sure how she and Ali can be BFF and still both be competing for the same guy.

In her alone time with Jake (which Vienna defers so that she can have the “last” alone time on the group date), Vienna starts whining about wanting Jake to herself. She’s talking sing songy like and it’s really irritating. Jake points out that she’s a little bit different around him than when she’s with the girls. He likes Vienna, but he’s been pumping the breaks based on what other girls are saying and he’s seeing some red flags, though he doesn’t describe what those are. He gave the rose to someone he “ignored at the beginning” (did he ignore Tenley? Didn’t she get the first impression rose on the first night after reading her top 10 list?) After giving Tenley the rose, Corrie looks like she’s going to kill him. Ashleigh is shocked that her thighs didn’t win the rose tonight. The girls think Tenley is too bubbly. Side note:

Some additional comments:

Why do Ella and Jessie have to wear super gooey pink lipstick?

Why does Tenley feel the need to tell Ella and Kathryn to “enjoy Jake, cause he really is a great guy.” Is this sincere?

Tenley loved pointing out to Ella that there is a 50/50 chance that she won’t come back. Then she laughs. Then she apologizes for laughing. Ditz.

So the rose ceremony takes place in a big white mansion. Ali is back to a yellow dress (does this mean she will be nicer?)

Corrie is wearing an 80s crimped dress and wants to know if Jake feels uneasy around her. I think she’s trying to flirt with him, but he doesn’t get it and answers her honestly. Chemistry is just not there in my opinion.

Ali’s speech to Jake, that she thinks what he did with Ella and Kathryn is “unbelievably honorable,” seems a bit designed. She wants to make it clear to Jake that she is falling for him and when she relays this information, Jake is all over it. I’m still really disappointed in Ali and her fall from the throne as a frontrunner. I had her marked as a light hearted, fun loving girl full of love, but her constant remarks about Vienna really bother me, despite the strong possibility that they’re true. FOCUS, Ali! Nobody likes a bad mouther. Of course Jake has only seen Ali’s sweet side so far, so maybe she’s hiding it well.

Her comment prior to the rose ceremony that she’d accept her “rose with dignity” but then have a stern talking to with Jake seemed like an outrageous comment. Can’t wait to see that conversation come off as care free and sweet.

And then came one of the most dramatic points of the night – Jake’s got two roses left and with three girls standing: Ashleigh, Jessie and Vienna, he gets tears in his eyes. There’s dramatic music playing in the background and all of a sudden you wonder whether Jake’s going to burst into more tears, run out of the house or wet his pants. He opts to leave the post and go find Chris Harrison. After blubbering to Chris about being confused, not knowing what to do, etc., Chris translates it pretty quickly: So what Jake is saying is that he realizes that Ashleigh’s strong pursuit of him (despite her self-proclamations that she would never throw herself at him) and Jessie’s scary green made up eyelids are not something he’d like to have for the next 60 years of his life. Chris comes back, gives a very eloquent speech and takes a rose away. The girls are once again shocked. Even more so when Vienna is revealed as his final choice. Deanna Pappas tweeted that this whole scene with Jake leaving the ceremony was scripted to provide the audience with an explanation of why Jake did what he did. Originally, I think Jake was going to only give out 1 of those two last roses and then say he was done – whereas it was more dramatic to have Jake wander off to find Chris – and cutting to various crew members with a wobbly camera. I bought it – it was a unique and thrilling insight into what goes on while Jake is handing out roses. I would say, however, that Chris finally is showing his purpose on the show. He always knows the right thing to say and he takes the show’s goal (finding true love) very seriously. A+ for Chris – seriously, I’m not sure that anyone other than Ryan Seacrest could pull off this role any better.

Side note: Interesting how Jake ignores Jessie’s intel– as wasn’t Jake the one who provided Jillian with intel that Wes had a girlfriend? He should know better than to ignore the words of wisdom. Then again, Jillian ended up choosing Wes the same week that Jake showed up to warn her – only to get rid of him an episode later. We can only hope that Jake gets to the bottom of things fast. I’m curious.

Ashleigh is beyond pissed that she’s not given a rose. It’s hard to determine whether she’s mad about losing Jake or whether she’s mad because he chose Vienna over her. Sounds like the latter.

So next week we’re on to San Francisco where it looks like Ali will be getting another solo date. This is awesome because I can’t wait to see how she bashes Vienna. Interestingly enough, it looks like Vienna may be getting some alone time of her own. Perhaps we will start to see a little bit more of why the girls absolutely hate Vienna. Or maybe we will only see the nasty things the girls say about her and how sad this makes Vienna, building sympathy for her. I think next week’s episode will be a turning point in how we view Vienna either way – which will also set up whether she really does make it to the end. How awesome would a Vienna/Ali finale be? They’d end up wrestling each other.

Overall, I give this episode a B+, mostly because I’m happy that Jake is slashing girls I knew he wouldn’t pick anyway earlier on. I still see Tenley, Ali and Vienna as front runners – although Gia seemed really cool once she stopped worrying about her hair, lipstick and shoes. What did you guys think?? What do you make of the Vienna/Ali sitch?

Six week countdown til The Fiance and me leave for our wedding. Thank you for all of your well wishes and support!! It’s been a nutty time for us but we are enjoying every second of this time period.

Let’s just hope that our wedding and the finale don’t overlap. Is it wrong to watch this show and blog during our honeymoon??

- Stacey B