The Women Tell All, Get Nasty!

It's too bad that Awards season is over.  Michelle would certainly have won an Oscar/Golden Globe for her performance last night (and for the entire season).  That said, there is one cardinal rule of The Women Tell All: never appear to be more of a bitch than the person you're bitching about.  That's why Michelle truly won this week.  Because yes, she said all of those terrible things about the other women and charged like a bull after red waving panties when it came to winning Brad's attention but here's the truth: (1) Brad liked her (and chose her over Michelle's attackers) (2) These other women seem just plain mean when berating a girl in tears and (3) You never attack a woman's ability to mother well.  At least not without coming off as the cattiest women in bachelor history.  So congrats to Jackie and Stacey for winning the award of "Nastiest Confronters in WTA History." 

It’s hard to believe that we’re just one week away from the season finale of The Bachelor. It seems like yesterday, they were re-introducing us to Brad and his tanned, toned pectorals, all oiled up and glistening and he took a run on the beach or revealed Brad in very deep thought while taking a gratuitous shower for all of the world to watch.

I love the Women Tell All episode (check out our video review at the link above). I love to see which of the girls actually make it back and which don’t, whether they look better or worse and just how far they will go to insult those around them. For these reasons alone, last night was a spectacle of unleashed emotions. I also like to see the self promotion ABC does of what’s coming next, meaning, their efforts to stick as many provocative former cast members together in a hotel, throw free alcohol at them and see who will hook up with who. They call this a cast reunion. I call it try-outs for Bachelor Pad 2. Based on the results, it looks like we’ll possibly be seeing a Wes / Gia / Vienna triangle, a Kasey (guard and protect your heart) and Princess Erica duo and with any luck Chris Lambert will be back (although now that he’s dating Peyton, this won’t happen unless they break up in which case they can hopefully still cast him as the next Bachelor). Luckily, Chris was only 33, which gives him at least 5 years of eligibility to become single again and be the next Bachelor. I figure since Brad’s 38 and seems to have pulled off making various 20 something year olds fall in love, the producers would be agreeable to allow Chris to do the same. But I digress.

The ladies all looked spectacular last night – I almost forgot that this was probably the most attractive batch of women the show has had in a very long time. The most surprising look of the night was by far and away Ashley H’s new darkened locks, bangs and red lipstick.  It often is the case that women make drastic changes to their hair after a break up. Look at Jessica Simpson. After getting divorced from Nick Lachey, she started dating the artsy and kind of nutsy John Mayer and BAM – the Barbie-like, voluptuous pop singer is a brunette. You may also recall that Carrie Bradshaw also darkened her hair after getting stood up by Big at their wedding in the first Sex and the City movie.

Let’s also not forget that Ashley H is in the running to be considered as the next Bachelorette and probably decided that a new look would help her case [BTW, beware all of the spoilers out there that are revealing who the next Bachelorette is...it is all rumorville until the After the Final Rose]. If Brad picks Chantal O, I’m not sure that Emily would give up that amount of time with her daughter again to be the next Bachelorette. Which leaves Ashley H, Shawntel O and Ashley S as the most likely contenders (though a season with Michelle as the next Bachelorette would kind of be entertaining). Not sure that Bambi eyes (Ashley S) could pull off an entire season as The Bachelorette given her lack of confidence displayed last night and during her exit from the show, and not sure that 30 men could get past Shawntel’s profession, which puts Ashley H in the lead. I think there’s so much more of this girl’s personality that we didn’t get to see. We only saw her moping around and making strange facial expressions in response to Brad’s questioning of her questioning of their relationship – but I liked her interactions with Chris H last night and some of the outtakes of her were hilarious.

Why the hell isn't anyone asking me anything?

Speaking of Shawntel, I was extremely disappointed that we didn’t get to hear a peep out of her last night. Like not even in response to any of the Michelle drama that was going on or to opine on the Raichel vs. Melissa nonsense. Didn’t Shawntel have any questions for Brad? Did they just not show them or was she over the whole thing and therefore not really have anything to say? If she did speak at all and they didn’t show it, she’s got to be kind of pissed that she wasted her time in coming out there. Hopefully they had a kick ass party for all of them after the taping was over.  I am in the works of doing an interview of Shawntel, so will hopefully get some of these questions answered.

I’m wondering why the Rockette and the Red-headed teacher didn’t show up. I’m also curious as to why Jackie, who we barely heard from since her romantic one on one date with Brad, suddenly became the most opinionated, outspoken female in America. She was actually quite mean at times (that spider comment was really unnecessary). I hate when girls that get eliminated somewhat early come back and start blabbering about the girls who stuck around after them. Jackie was rolling her eyes for a good 75% of last night’s show. She had something to say about everything and really went on the offensive with some of these ladies. Where was that fighting spunk around Brad? Perhaps if she used that fire in pursuing Brad rather than going against her competitors, she could have gone further in the competition. By the end of the show, I just wanted her to stop speaking. I also wanted to take out the two black bobby pins that were holding up the sides of her hair.

It was great to see Michelle again. I thought she looked great – very styled and made up with the outrageously large necklace and matching earrings – but very Michelle. She’s still a beauty, though the dark circles under her eyes came out in full force one the crying began. I'm not saying the girl is a saint.  I'm not even saying there wasn't a little bit of acting going on last night.  I do believe that she loves her daughter and felt guilty about leaving her for so long.  I also believe that some of her sarcasm was not taken the right way.  She annoyed me at the beginning of the show - like why couldn't Brad see that Michelle was just a drama queen?  But then she started to grow on me and by the time she got the boot, I just saw her as entertaining.
I can say that we’ve definitely never seen that much sobbing on The Women Tell All. Some of the nastiest comments from any season were said last night.

“Are you really going to sit there and cry?” one of them shouted at her when Jackie gave her the spider comment.

Stacey B, since she got virtually no air time on the show, decided to finally become memorable and started doling out child rearing lessons to Michelle.  One of the nastiest comments of all time: Stacey basically told Michelle that she wasn’t putting her child first, that if she really wanted to put her child first, options were available (followed by intense sobbing by Michelle).

I have some questions about why Stacey said this: (1) Does Stacey not buy Michelle’s story that her aggressive behavior towards Brad stemmed from being away from her daughter? (2) Did Michelle’s behavior on the show somehow indicate that she was not putting her daughter first? (3) Was the fact that Michelle was even on the show indicative that she wasn’t putting her daughter first? Regardless, it doesn’t seem right to bring this up on national television. 

Michelle’s response, “I am a good mother. You have no right to even kind of question my mothering in any way.”

Outspoken Jackie Attacks!

Then Stacey tries to defend herself with the ludicrous rebuttal of saying she was not questioning Michelle’s mothering, she was simply talking about her own mother’s style and what she (Stacey) would personally do. Michelle cut right through this nonsense. Why else would Stacey say this comment? Was she just coincidentally bringing up how to raise a child for idle chat?  And Jackie's defense of Stacey in any way just brought her down with the ship.  They both come off as angry, petty and downright mean. 
Yes, Michelle is dramatic. Yes coming on the Bachelor would not hurt her acting career. But I do believe she would have been very happy if she happened to find love too. These girls were all so jealous of her – they had every opportunity that Michelle did to whisk Brad away and be just as aggressive. Jackie said she couldn’t even watch some of the parts where Michelle talked about the others or was all over Brad. Then Chris H kindly put Jackie in her place – Brad liked Michelle’s aggressiveness. Get over it. Awesome Chris H moment.

Here are some of my favorite moments from last night:

I have no idea who this girl is, but she's very talented.

(1) I loved what Brad had to say to Ashley H about whether things could have been different. This was after Ashley apologized to Brad for wasting their time together. Brad’s response (which he definitely had to have been handed by the writers of the show) was classic: he said that perhaps Ashley needed a guy to make her feel secure enough not to question what they had constantly, so that the important questions could be focused on.  I also liked Brad's knee jerk reaction to seeing Ashley's new style for the first time. He was a bit tongue tied.  These two are so getting back together once Brad's relationship with Chantal falls apart. (I'm still Team Emily!).

(2) The flashback of Chantal O coming out of the limo in the emerald green satin dress: she is quite the vision! I still don’t believe that Brad didn’t know that Chantal was going to slap him. How was that not staged? Chantal O was drop dead hot that night – unfortunately, I think the stress and the unlimited access to food and alcohol took a toll on her. If Brad does pick Emily, I’m sure ABC would get Chantal a trainer and get her back to shape in no time for her debut as the next Bachelorette.

(3) Seeing Ali and Roberto at the Bachelor Pad 2 auditions, even briefly, was great. They still have that glow about them which is nice to see. It really is like seeing old friends when they come on. I had no idea who some of the other people are – like “David from Jen’s season.” Are we supposed to remember this person?

(4) Madison’s fangs were gone! Is she going with a new look? Or were her fangs out getting polished somewhere?

(5) The replay of Melissa’s speech to Brad about having eaten pizza with onions in them, then holding her hand in front of her mouth to block possible onion odor. Then admitting to eating four slices. I didn’t really care why Raichel hated Melissa so much. Raichel is very pretty, but why she let Melissa get to her, I don’t really understand. Of course Jackie had an opinion about why Raichel got sent home, “Brad didn’t want to be with you because you acted afool.” Thanks for clearing that up, Jackie.

(6) The amount of times that Michelle talked about her daughter. It must have been 9 or 10. We saw her mention Brielle only a couple of times on the show. Michelle admitting to having guilt for leaving her daughter seemed to bring on the waterworks. Then she added that Brad needs someone “soft,” and thinks that Emily is a great fit for him. Would they be showing us this opinion if Emily does actually win? I hope so. Nobody seems to think Chantal will win. Which is why she probably will.

(7) I was horrified watching Ashley S discuss why her previous relationships have failed. At first they think she’s a great catch and then they end up cheating on her or the relationship just goes downhill? That’s terrible!! She just wants to be a great wife and great mother and then Brad said she wouldn’t make a wonderful wife for him and dumps her for her best friend in the house? So sad! Ashley needs some serious therapy, a big teddy bear to hug and a new best friend. I felt really sorry for her but with make up on, she’s adorable. I’m sure Kelly Pickler, I mean Bambi, I mean Ashley – will find someone.

(8) Chris H telling Ashley H that she was in love with Brad. Only on reality TV can a host make a person realize she is in love. Good work, Chris H. Of course he also points out that it was probably all her fault that things didn’t work out. I did like that Ashley now feels “primed” to start dating again.

(9) Brad’s declaration about who he picked, “I fall more in love with this person every day.” Phew!

(10) What Brad says to the lady he picked at various points throughout the show (like he shouldn’t be too happy to see these girls, etc.) makes me think that he picked Chantal O. Because only she would be insecure to hope that Brad wasn't too chummy with the other ladies.  Also, there have been some interviews Brad gave recently where he says that Monday nights are really hard because he's had to do a lot of explaining to whoever he picked.  If you visualize how Emily would react to seeing Brad on dates with other women versus Chantal, I think it's clear that Chantal would be far more volatile.  I really hope this is not the case.

We are off to Capetown next week - for the final and After the Final Rose. I have no idea how I am going to fit in 3 hours of Bachelor finale madness, followed by a 9 AM meeting the next day and a 6:58 AM train, but it'll have to work.  Seeing Brad with his twin brother will be a trip.  It's too bad that Brad's twin isn't single - because that would be an easy solution: just give him to whoever Brad doesn't pick.

Are you team Chantal O or Team Emily?  Did you buy Michelle's sobbing last night or was it an act? What did you think of Ashley H's new look?  Let's hear it!