DWTS - Recap

Melissa did amazing on the Argentine Tango. Even though she was dressed like Minnie Mouse on crack, with eyelashes exploding, I was entertained. Bruno’s comment: “This was the revenge of the man-eater. Your legs were like magic tools in the hands of a master…I need a drink.”

“Wow, Melissa, that was by far the best Argentine Tango we’ve seen this season,” said Carrie Ann. Lifts are allowed in this dance and they executed them flawlessly. Great job, Tony. Melissa is so much better without makeup on during the rehearsals. I liked how ABC got a plug in for Desperate Housewives by sending Tony and Melissa to visit the set. As if Teri Hatcher has any useful advice on dancing the tango. I can’t think of anyone who probably has less rhythm than Teri. Their show needs the extra promotion – it’s been going downhill for a while now.

Scores: 10, 9, 10

Lawrence and Edyta: He had a golf event for his charity and takes his leggy partner (her trademark throughout this season has been tiny tiny tiny shorts with Ugg boots and really tan body limbs) Lawrence loves criticizing E with criticism she has used on him: “You look so good, but your technique sucks.” This is so he can show her how tough it is to be judged in something that you have never done before. Then why did you sign up for the show, Lawrence? Does anyone else think that Edyta looks like Ana from Big Love on HBO?

Why would anyone dress Edyta, who has the best body of anyone on the show, in a long blue sparkly coat that covers everything? Ok, he takes the coat away during the dance and underneath she’s wearing a blue mink dress, or at least that’s what it looks like. Once again, we are mesmerized by Edyta’s dress and moves rather than anything in particular that Lawrence is doing. He looks like he’s just there by accident and if you could look in his brain, I’m sure you can practically hear him counting. Or maybe the large diamond stud (which looks like a clip-on) in his ear is weighing him down. I think he may be the one to go tomorrow.

Lil’ Kim and Derek – strange song choice for the Rumba. She is like a short Jasmine from Aladdin. Is this one of her songs? It’s like an R&B song slowed down to a horrible jazz pop mix. Derek with a pink untied satin bowtie looks absolutely ludicrous – especially with a black button down that has sparkles in it. I was hoping she’d fall over when she did that long stretch across with her leg sticking out. She NEEDS to take out those color contacts. They are way too scary. “Understated and underwhelming,” says Len. I can’t stand the way Derek stares into the camera like he’s a sexy blond beast. This is not the case. I’m starting to really dislike this duo.

Chuck had a country music show in Alabama this week, and is milking his fans to vote for him – maybe he should just go on tour to get votes instead of practicing. Dressed in bold red, Chuck looks like he dressed for a Spanish soap opera pajama party of some sort in his red silk pjs. Julianne looks like she’s out of a scene of Damn Yankees – where they are both representing devils in passion. It’s funny that they all have to wear the same copper shoes. They got three 9s. Great job. Chuck was kind of funny this week. “Red brings out my eyes,” he says in answering why he designed his outfit the way he did.

Chelsea and Ty are hot together. Chelsea’s pink maxi halter dress is beautiful and really flowy – like a ballroom dress should be. If Jewel doesn’t watch out, she may have some very serious competition. Bruno, “Last week you were in the gutters and now you are back in the game.” Very big improvement. I love his plaid vest. She’s a blonde ballroom dance Barbie.

Looks like Shawn was in NYC – she accepted an award both there and Des Moines, Iowa. At 11 PM, she starts rehearsals and is wiped out. Poor girl – she has to learn two dances this week. She does the cha cha cha – and I’m not sure I’m into her outfit. Her smile is infectious as always, though – and how can you not love a Michael Jackson number? PYT – Shawn is a pretty young thing. I think, however, she really needs to wear more flattering outfits. Yes, she’s all muscle, but that doesn’t mean she can’t wear outfits more suited for her body type. Pretty young thing, repeat after me…

The audience is on their feet. Carrie Ann loved it. “Shawn, my cheeky little devil. Always technically flawless” says Bruno. Score: 9, 9 and 10. This puts her ahead of Melissa.

Gilles and Cheryl do the Viennese Waltz. To “soften” Gilles’s arms, Cheryl takes him to a synchronized swimming coach. He comes out wearing a unitard and calls it a “bathing suit from the Viennese Waltz era.” After his practice, he does a cannon ball jump into the pool. For the actual competition, Cheryl is dressed like Belle from Beauty and the Beast in a yellow satin-tiered gown. It’s a very romantic look. You might expect to see the two of them on top of a Latin inspired wedding cake. They are still a step above the rest, but their scores were not perfect 10s this week.

The group dance was kind of silly. They are all trying to be go-go dancers and need to come up with their own 60s moves. Ty and Chelsea’s move was by far the best – he basically gets on Chelsea’s back and starts riding her like a bull. I have no idea how that relates to the 60s, but it’s funny. All in all, a very entertaining show tonight. I think Lawrence is in trouble, and hopefully Lil’ Kim because I’m sick of watching her fake contact lenses and Derek’s expressions.